Well, hello again! It's been less than a year since my last post, which is highly unusual activity for me. 😁
But I've been thinking about something, and I wanted to see what other people might think about it, too.
My best friend Hannah and I have been throwing tea parties since high school. When we were younger, we did them basically every season, during school breaks. As we've both gotten older, life has gotten fuller and more structured, so we're a little more limited on how often we can do them.
For us and for those in the know, our tea parties are an absolute event. We plan a themed menu, and the buildup involves planning that starts months in advance as we pick a theme of ingredients and decide on courses. Tea parties are always on a Saturday, in the early afternoon. The week leading up to Saturday is pretty centered around those few afternoon hours. We have a shopping day for ingredients, and often a day where we plan place settings and maybe practice more experimental recipes for people with diet restrictions, or for weird flavor combinations we're still debating. And then on Friday.... we bake. Including breaks, we're usually going for about 12 hours, from 10 to 10.
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| Blood Orange and fresh rosemary cookies with chocolate glaze. |
On Saturday morning, I head back over to Hannah's house in my nice clothes, usually bringing my makeup along to be done whenever there's a spare moment.
We set the table, deciding who will sit next to whom for the best flow of conversation. We usually each invite half the guests, and it's always fun to see people from different communities come together and have fun. We have my Mennonite cousins. We have our farmer neighbors. We have friends from church and town. And we have lots of tea and desserts.
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| A slice of blood-orange chocolate tart from Saturday. |
While I usually set the table, with Hannah helping decide on key elements, she's usually doing any last finishing touches that are needed for food. Putting fruit on things, heating soups, boiling water for the tea, and a bunch of other little things. I pop in to consult on key elements. 😊
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| Lemon bars and cupcakes from our 2020 outdoor quaran-tea-ne. |
And then, usually, we sit for a few minutes after everything is ready. We breathe, we take selfies together and we take pictures of the table and food. And then, just about the time we're starting to get antsy and think about texting people to make sure they're coming.... the first guests arrive. If they're my guest, they probably get a very excited hug. If they're Hannah's guest, they get a warm and classy welcome that's much more fitting for the event. 😅 We make sure everyone knows they're welcome, and that there's no awkward standing around wondering where to go. Everyone is met before the door and welcomed to the table. Introductions are made at some point, usually once everyone arrives.
"Welcome everyone! This is Alana. She is the youth director at church. This is my Aunt Bonnie who lives just down the road. This is our high school friend, Bekah. This is our neighbor, Krystle. This is Marissa, she became my brother's friend in college."
Then we announce the theme, explain what teas are in which pots, and bring out the first course, which is savory. Often tea sandwiches and soup, although we do switch things up. Once people are slowing down with that, we bring out the scones and cookies and fruit bars. (Think lemon bars, but with different fruit sometimes.) This is when the tea really starts to pour, and people settle in, and get to know whoever's sitting next to them.
"Those scones look so lovely, but I don't think I could fit a whole one. Would you like to split one with me?"
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| Our group from Saturday. Clockwise from left: Hannah, Auntie Dorcas, Emily, Alethalou, Alana, Marissa, Me, Ilex, and my mom Simone. |
And then come the actual desserts. Usually we have a course that's meant to be lighter and a break from the more intense flavors. A posset custard, a mousse, a sorbet... The refresher course could come between heavy desserts, or after the entire meal, to round things off. Desserts almost always include cupcakes. At one point we discovered the concept of stuffed cupcakes, and since then we've really had fun! Our penultimate cupcakes are generally considered to be the caramel apple chai. Chai cupcakes stuffed with homemade apple pie filling from Hannah's lovely mother Vanessa, and then topped with caramel frosting. (When Hannah discovered a caramel frosting recipe, our lives changed. 😁) Desserts can also include other things that fit the theme. This past Saturday we had a blood orange and chocolate ganache tart, topped with fresh, local peaches, and berries we had picked a day or two prior. Once we asked Aunt Bonnie to make some lavender macarons for our lavender and lime tea. There's always something seasonal and fun.
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| A Christmas tablescape from an early tea. In the middle is my since deceased Christmas tree, Ferdinand. |
And because this is me, and I ramble, we are just now getting to the point of this whole post. Everything you've read so far was just context, and maybe a little pride of accomplishment. I haven't even gone into how we choose what dishes will fit the theme and feel most special, or how I always forget who has allergies until after we invite them, and so we adjust the menu after it's all conceptualized, so they can participate. 😅
Anyway!
We just had a tea party on Saturday. Chocolate and blood orange themed. We had a lovely set of guests, some first-timers and some regulars. 😊 Among the regulars was my Auntie Dorcas, who could definitely be considered 'Mennonite famous'.
I don't know what it is, exactly, about the tea parties, but she's told me that they do something special for her. She feels really loved when we invite her.
So Auntie Dorcas posted on her social media about coming to the tea. And of course, a lot of people commented.
"Did your daughters host this? What a proud mother you must be!" "How lovely! I would be these girls' new best friend for an invite!" "This makes me want to do something like this!"
But among the more prevalent types of comments, seemed to be those that assumed this is a commercial enterprise. And we've definitely heard before that we could charge money for tickets. In fact, it's something my mother mentions almost every time we do a tea. 😄
But it still surprised me. It seems so obvious that we do this because we like having tea parties with our friends. We love the new recipes and our grandmothers' china sets and the fascinating conversations. That's not something we'd really be comfortable charging for. It's like asking your friends to pay at the door when they come over for coffee or dinner.
Some of the comments actually almost bothered me.
It's not fair, and I know it. Everyone wants to feel special sometimes. I actually think it's a human need. And it's sad to see that so many people feel a lack there. It makes me wonder why, but I also think they might have given the answer themselves when they assumed that this is a business.
No matter how perfect of a party it is, it might never be as fulfilling if you paid for it. I think there's something about receiving a personal invitation. About knowing that you, specifically, are wanted. And that you were worth all the effort that went into something.
I wish I could throw tea parties for everyone, and that might be why I'm a little frustrated. I can't do that. I'm soooo tired right now. It would take an actual staff to be able to do this regularly. And I honestly think that might take away the specialness of the whole thing.
I don't think it's just the food that people crave. Or the lovely china or even the handwritten place cards.
I think it's the special focus and attention. The absolute rest of not being in charge or having to figure out where to go and what to do.
I think what we all need is true hospitality. And that doesn't come from hours of work and months of planning. It doesn't come from beautiful dishes and perfectly steeped tea, or from handwritten placecards and vintage tablecloths. It comes from one heart saying to another, "You are welcome and cared for here."
After I started writing this, I saw that Auntie Dorcas was replying to some of the comments.
"...My new philosophy is that everyone who wishes they could have been there needs to throw a tea party of their own!"
And I think that's exactly it. Obviously I'm biased, but I would highly encourage you to throw a tea party. You could get out the fancy dishes you never use, or find a vintage set at a thrift store. You could make tea sandwiches and scones and cupcakes, or buy scones and macarons and madeleines. All you really need is a welcoming spirit and boiling-hot water for tea.
Hannah and I have discovered that people will come to a tea party. We've invited lots of different kinds of people over the years, some of whom were only acquaintances before. But they came, and friendships and community followed. It can be hard to figure out how to begin a friendship with someone, but I will say this is one of the least awkward techniques I've ever tried. 😁 Our general rule is to invite a mix of old and new friends, and seat them next to each other so they get acquainted. You can do things however you want to, of course! These are just some tips and ideas for anyone who might be enamored with what you've read, or the pictures you've seen, but who might feel a little overwhelmed.
If you do throw a tea party, I'd love to see it! Or if you have questions, feel free to reach out! Either in the comments here, or dm me on Instagram at unregularly_irreasonable. 😊
What do you think? Would you come to tea? What if you didn't know the hosts very well?
Would you host a tea party? Would you invite old friends, or try to make new ones?
I guess what I'm really wondering is, what makes you feel special? What kind of hospitality speaks to you the most? And do you feel a need or an ability to provide that for yourself and others?
Thanks for reading. I'm really curious to see if other people have thoughts, because I'm sure I'm biased, so I want to hear other perspectives.
-Dolly