Hello!
I've been wanting to write an update for awhile now, but it's hard to find both time and mental energy lately. But people like to ask me how wedding planning is going, etc., and it might be nice to have a few more answers.
Usually I just say that I have no clue if things are going well, because I've never done this before! 😅 My friend Grace had the follow-up question of, "How are your stress levels with wedding planning?" which seems like a more concrete metric. So I guess I'll start there.
Sometimes I'm pretty stressed, but right now wedding stuff itself is going well. I think. It's going well in the sense that I actually feel like we're going to not only have a wedding, but we're going to have a good wedding. We've ordered a lot of supplies, we have people who've agreed to help with various parts of the process, and we have a marriage license. We also only have a month to fill in all the other necessary gaps.
I'm trying to not be overly detail-oriented, but there are some aspects of planning that really matter to me. The biggest things I've been focusing on are accessibility options. Firstly is food. It's really important to me for everyone to have the opportunity to eat, and to feel at ease about that. This is a bit more difficult to accomplish when all the side dishes are being provided via potluck. However! A decent amount of people who have dietary restrictions are bringing dishes that meet their needs and therefore the needs of other people, and I think there will be enough. My dad is providing the protein, and that'll be diet accessible except for non-meat-eaters. There are also more simple things like wheelchair accessibility. Our venue is wheelchair accessible, so all we have to do is make sure our table layout has enough space that wheelchair and walker users can freely navigate. The third major thing on the accessibility list is introvert/decompression space. Finding an actual place to put that has been a bit complicated, but we're so blessed to have understanding people to help with that. As a neurodivergent person with a friend group that's almost entirely neurodivergent in various ways, having a place for people to get out of the crowd is a high priority for me. This past Wednesday Zeb and I did a walkthrough of the venue, which is our church gym. We looked at all the tech and discussed what we want from the space, and asked about an introvert room. It was so cool to see the idea be immediately understood, and to have people troubleshoot options and ideas for us.
Feeling like we'll be able to have an event that's as accessible as I can conceive has lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders.
Another thing that's been so helpful is actually ordering stuff. Over the past few months I've spent so much time and energy searching for the best options at the best prices and compiling lists of products for food, activities, and decor. Actually having the items is so helpful! It's like that's removed some background noise in my brain. If we've already ordered something, it's too late to search for a better deal. My research is over, we're staying in budget, and I can move on to the next thing. Also, it's just fun to have enough materials in hand to start visualizing final outcomes. The little centerpiece decorations are so cute and I can't wait to put them together. We have just... so much greenery and flowers for the arch, and I'm thrilled. Plus, Michael's entire spring florals section was on sale!! I told Zeb that I would psych myself out looking at prices, and asked if I could just grab stuff without having to consider the price of each individual stem. He was amenable to this plan so off I went, with Zeb dutifully following behind with a cart, and giving feedback on the balance and variety of colors.
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| Behold our bounty. |
Oh! Another question I get is, "What are your wedding colors?" If you can't tell by the variety pictured above, the answer is, "All of them." 😁
That's not to say things will be chaotic, necessarily.
We didn't set out to have a themed wedding, but it's happening anyway. Between my joint love of moss and mushrooms, and Zeb's interest in D&D, we've ended up with a sort of fantasy/forest vibe. Moss, mushrooms, little lanterns, treasure chests of chocolate coins...
I'm so excited to see what it'll all look like.
I know decorations aren't everything, or even anything super important at all. They could be considered shallow. But they can also be a form of expression, and we want to share our interests and personalities with guests who may only know one of us. Also, who doesn't think chocolate coins are fun?
We also have games and activities planned, which I'm super excited about. I really want everyone to have fun, and we're going for a bit of a family reunion vibe. Recently I found out that'll be more accurate of a description than I planned! Three of my cousins, who are siblings, are all planning to come and it'll be the first time they've all been together in roughly five years!
There are still some things to worry about, of course. Potential drama between people. Roles that haven't quite been filled yet. Preparations that still need to be scheduled. We need to write our "I-Do's" and practice them.
But we've reached a tipping point where there are now more things to be excited about, than there are things to be worried about.
Zeb almost has his entire outfit in hand. All that's really left are the fancy socks that are supposed to arrive this week.
My wedding dress is well under way, my veil is being embroidered, and tomorrow I'm going to my friend Maggie's house to test out the base of a flower crown she's making! So many gifts and contributions from dear people. I feel honored and loved.
In the middle of everything, Zeb and I have been looking for a place to live! And trying to find time and space to rest, both together and individually. Zeb has said from the beginning of this process that he'll prioritize building a marriage over planning a wedding. And since the marriage is the whole point, I agree. Sometimes it takes a lot of intentionality and effort, but we try to keep our relationship balanced and healthy. I'm so grateful for a partner who wants both of us to grow, and I'm looking forward to actually being married to him!
I'm also looking forward to moving!! We've talked about the idea of me and the girls being the first to move into our new place, rather than Zeb living there until we get married. I love the idea of having a head start on creating a home, and settling the girlies, and also just living in a building. This trailer has been a very sweet home, but I'm also starting to see it fall apart around me. A couple years of being exposed to the elements have caused wear and damage. It's to be expected; this thing is older than I am. So, it's been good but it's time for me to move on. I look forward to living in a place that won't have mushrooms growing from the walls. 😅
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| A little friend I had for a brief time this winter. Don't mind the duct tape, hahaha |
Overall, life is very full right now. Filled with both excitement and anxiety, but my therapist likes to remind me that those two feelings can be very much related. I'm so incredibly grateful for our various communities. Church, friends, family, and people that blur the lines between those categories. I have so many people to ask for advice, and it's been really cool to have some of Zeb's family members start filling that role for me as well. It's weird to think that I'm entering something more expansive than a marriage. This one relationship has opened the door to many more, and I'm joining a family that I otherwise would have never known about. It's strange and sweet, and I think that describes a lot of the whole wedding process.
Everything is new and unfamiliar, but we also have experienced so much support and kindness. Thank you to everyone who's helping to make things feel real. A couple of weeks ago Zeb and I both mentioned feeling like no one would come. 😅 Now as RSVPs have started coming in, that anxiety is dissipating.
We're so excited to see everyone there! To take pictures, play games, eat good food, and celebrate. ❤️
See you in a month!
~Dolly