Remembering

Tangible memories mean a lot to me  Or maybe I just want remnants of a moment, or a person, or a place. I'm not only referring to physical objects. As an example, every year Hannah and I make a shared Google album of our adventures and experiences together. Even when I don't actually order photo prints or a photo book, I really appreciate having the opportunity to scroll down memory lane sometimes.

I just. . .

I forget so easily.

I still have a notebook somewhere that I never want to get rid of. It's mostly empty, but on just a few pages there are memories I wrote down of my grandparents. I did that soon after they died, because I didn't want to lose them again later. It's not just a fear that their faces would get fuzzy over time, or that I would get some details wrong. . . . If I don't practice remembering something, it disappears completely.

Usually that's not a huge deal. I text Zeb the things I need to keep track of, and then scroll back through the conversation to view my notes. I put almost everything in my phone calendar. I set alarms on my phone to call the pharmacy for a prescription refill 7 minutes after they open. (5 minutes just feels too conspicuous.) I text Hannah sometimes when I have specific meal plans so I don't get to lunch or supper time and panic. I put everyone's birthdays in my phone as soon as I find out what the day is.

Etc.

Not everything quite works that way, though.

There isn't a good way to really schedule grief. Or joy. So I try to surround myself with opportunities to feel those things.

Almost an entire wall of our living room is covered in pictures. Me and Zeb. Moments with friends. A piece of artwork our friend Maggie made for one of my birthdays. A few engagement pictures. Wedding pictures, along with pieces from our wedding outfits, and our vows from the wedding ceremony. Opportunities for joy. I might soon add a new picture to the wall, to remember someone very specific.

Ms. Joanie was very special. If you go to my past few blog posts, you'll see some very sweet comments, full of praise and encouragement, and signed, "love, Joanie." At church every week she would write down the name of each person who walked through the door, because she wanted to remember these things. She sent out birthday cards to people, and at Christmas time she would bring a whole box of cards and envelopes to church, to make sure no one was forgotten. It's easier to make sure you're remembering everybody when they're right in front of you! 

Ms. Joanie loved people. 

Especially Zeb.

Sure, she may have called him "Jeb" for a year or two... but she viewed him as a surrogate son. I know she loved me too; I would sit and chat with her on many Sunday mornings before the church service started. But I also remember her very distinctly informing me that Zeb was her favorite. She never forgot how he helped her with her purse and maybe cane, before her husband Mr. Gary started coming to church. Zeb does not remember any of this, I think because none of it was significant to him. It's just how he is, and Ms. Joanie loved him for it.

As I told her on a few occasions, I agree with her that he's pretty great. We even had a joke that his good looks came from her side.

This past Mother's Day, we had the sudden thought to get something for Zeb's self-appointed church mom. Of course, this idea came to us on the way to church. 😅

I dropped Zeb off to start setting up tech, and drove across JC looking for the perfect bouquet.

Ms. Joanie asked for a picture together, and as we dispersed afterwards, she pulled me into a hug and whispered through tears, "This means more than you know."

A month-and-a-half later, she was scheduled to have a surgery that would hopefully help eliminate some of the extreme pain that she constantly lived with. She responded to my texts for a week or two after the procedure, and then just stopped. She wasn't at church, either. I tried not to worry, knowing that recovery is long and difficult sometimes, but something felt wrong.

I didn't know she was sick.

Two Sundays ago was Zeb's non-tech-volunteering week, so we went to a little church that's within walking distance of our apartment. That afternoon I got a call from our pastor.

"You guys weren't here this morning, and I thought you would want to hear it directly from me and not through the grapevine. . ."

"Joanie passed away yesterday. . ."

"I'm so sorry. . ."

I cried, hung up, and relayed the message to Zeb. The rest of that day was rough, and it's not the only hard day I've had as I've continued to process the news. It just comes up again sometimes. Sometimes with a harsh bit of shock, and other times with a quiet heaviness or some tears. Sometimes it mingles with other bits of fear and loss. My grandparents. Family members with current life-threatening or terminal conditions.

Death hurts. And that's just life.

The day we got that phone call from our pastor, I sent Ms. Joanie a final text.

Hi, I'm sorry I never checked in again. 

I love you so much, and I've been missing you. I guess I'll have to keep missing you a little while longer, but I'm so glad you're feeling better now. Thank you for always being ready to chat, for the sweet messages you've sent me, and for the love that you always showed for me and especially for Zeb.

We love you too, and we'll see you soon enough, when it's our turns.

-Dolly

I'm so glad we had that Mother's Day, and so grateful to Ms. Joanie's stepdaughter Leslie, for tracking down the picture for me. It's such a precious thing, to know that we meant something to Ms. Joanie: She meant something to us as well. That's what I most want to hang onto.

I think this picture will be the next one on our wall.

Thanks for reading.

~Dolly

Newly-Wedded Life

 Yesterday I told Zeb I felt more like a wife before we got married than now. He understood before I even had a chance to explain.

Just a few very short and also somehow extremely long weeks ago, we had a routine. I had my little schedule and I would make meals for us, and it all made me feel like a little homemaker. But now we're in the process of actually building a home kinda from scratch, and I don't feel quite so peaceful about it, hahaha. I told Auntie Dorcas the other day that organizing was easy when I lived in the trailer. Plates go in the singular kitchen cupboard because that's the only place to put them, etc. Now things are a bit different. Between me and Zeb I think we have 4 full dish sets, and that's not counting mugs and teacups and my grandma's cut glass ice cream bowls that I inherited. We also have roughly a dozen cupboards and half a dozen drawers and a small pantry, and now I don't know where to put anything. 

Except silverware. I'm becoming slightly convinced that every kitchen has a specific drawer that is naturally meant to hold silverware, even if there are plenty of what appear to be equally valid options. There's only one drawer that really wants to hold silverware, and it will tell you which one it is.

Unfortunately our silverware organizer doesn't fit perfectly in the true silverware drawer, so we have to use a secondary choice and hope that the true silverware drawer will forgive us. Or rearrange all the kitchen drawers until things are in their proper places. Jury is still out on which option we'll pursue at this time. 

I feel like the thing people actually want to know about is the in-between point. 

I used to be not-married but I felt like a homemaker. 

Now I'm married and my home is somewhat just chaos.

Now, what could have happened in between? Maybe... this?

Yes, we did indeed get married.

It was a two-day affair, for multiple reasons. One reason was the date itself. Zeb's birthday is March 26, and mine is May 26, so we got married on April 26, right in the middle. 😁 April 26 just so happened to be a Friday, which can be a lot less doable for people to come to. So we decided to have a small ceremony on Friday the 26th, and a bigger reception the next day. 

Another reason for our approach, and a much more significant one, was the vibes. Or, maybe more accurately, our values and priorities. We wanted to prioritize the commitment of our vows, and we also wanted our friends and family to have a really fun time that wasn't entirely focused on us. We wanted to be participants more than a spectacle. 

So we had a really small ceremony, with just a few family and close friends... although now that I think about it, there was only one attendee who wasn't related to either one of us. 😅 There wasn't a ton of ceremony, either. No sermon, just a few words from our pastor before we washed each other's feet and said our vows. 

I think my favorite part of the ceremony was the time for other people to say prayers or other nice things for us/to us. Either that or dinner, haha. Zeb and I had been up late-ish the night before prepping soup in the instant pot. Day-of, we just added water and turned on the heat while we were getting ready! We also brought rolls, butter, and Caesar salad kits. I was so worried about not having enough food, but there were plenty of leftovers. It was really nice to just have, essentially, a chill family dinner. There were jokes and silly conversations, and it was exactly the right thing to help counteract any wedding jitters. It's also a good thing the ceremony was so chill, because we had a busy day! 

In the morning we went to our reception venue and helped set up and decorate. It turned out so beautifully, and I'm really grateful for everyone who came and helped, especially those who had just been traveling the day before! After setup Zeb and I went to our Halsey apartment to let my little sibling J in, took Zeb's cousin Alex over to my great uncle and aunt Rich and Arlene's place where he would be spending the night, and then went to the ceremony venue and did setup there. 😅

After the ceremony and dinner, we went back to our apartment and chilled with J and my cousin Daisi, who spent the night there. Thankfully we have a guest room and a really comfy couch!! A few people expressed... I'm going to go with surprise and mildly amused indignation that we were hosting people on our wedding night. But as I said before, one of our priorities was to be participants in the events of the weekend, and not just the spectacle at the center of everyone's attention. 

Saturday morning was an adventure! 

J's car had popped a tire the night before, so that needed to be resolved. Between 3 people and 4 vehicles we had enough jacks and wrenches and whatever else to get things figured out. I did my makeup while Zeb helped Daisi and J get ready to go to Les Schwab for new tires, and swap them out for the old ones. I had just finished letting Hannah know that we would be late to the reception, when Zeb came in and announced with a very fatherly pride, "I think they've got it."

So off we went, leaving J's car on a jack, and Daisi and J heading to Les Schwab in Daisi's car.

We were late to the reception, but that was fine since there weren't a lot of people there yet. We went for a more open-house, family reunion vibe for things. It was a good chance to admire all the decorations that we'd helped set up the day before.

 

I got together with some of my friends ahead of time, and we painted all the little mushrooms that were on the tables! 😊

While Zeb and I greeted people at the door and hung out with our bouncer Kallin and his wife Danielle, our guests got to talk and play games and sign the guestbook, etc. We had Dutch Blitz and cornhole and temporary tattoos and mad libs about the proposal, and most importantly... Twister! 

Helping my little cousin get a tattoo.

I've been determined, for months, to play Twister in my wedding dress, and I finally had the opportunity... for maybe two minutes, hahaha. I was the first one out. By contrast, Zeb's nieces and our friend Grace are basically undefeatable in Twister, I'm pretty sure.

Lunch was graciously provided by basically everyone, hahaha. My dad provided all the proteins, which was amazing. Hannah baked a bunch of cupcakes. Aunt Bonnie made our perfect little wedding cake. And the sides were all provided by many of our guests, via potluck. Our heartfelt thanks to all of y'all!

After all the food we had a mini ceremony. We planned to play a video of Zeb proposing, and everything was all hooked up but for some reason there was no audio! Zeb's great at tech stuff, but he was busy searching his phone for the vows he was about to say, since the paper had been left at home. 

The lights were off, everyone was waiting...

Zeb's sister Bri was our fabulous MC, and she suggested we basically narrate the proposal video. Obviously Zeb could not participate since he was trying to find a picture of his vows on his phone. I decided to try to save the day for everyone by narrating the vows so people weren't all just watching a still of the video, and hopefully that would also buy Zeb enough time. The video played, I gave my perspective (emphasizing that I jokingly said "no" at first), and Zeb found his vows just in time! 

In all the scuffle we forgot to put my wedding veil on, and we also forgot that our pastor Ranee was supposed to basically MC the mini ceremony portion. 

We just got up there and said our vows and realized afterwards. 😅 So we had Ranee pray with us at that point, and then pastor Ruba, who did our premarital counseling. 

I think the next part was my favorite: toasts and open mic. Shout-out to Zeb's cousin Jonah, who was in charge of the mute button in case of a really long or somehow offensive speech. Luckily he didn't need to exercise his power, hahaha!

My best friend Hannah, and Zeb's cousin Alex, both gave pre-planned toasts, and then anyone else was welcome to come say whatever they felt like saying. Thankfully people felt like saying nice things. 😁 I took videos of all of these said nice things, and I watch them back sometimes. I think the most consistent themes through all of them are: Zeb is a strong person of faith, and I talk a lot. 

Next was a photo hour, where we just posed with anyone who wanted to take pictures with us! Our photographer did a great job at getting everyone to look in the right direction at the right time, which is not easy with big groups and/or small children. (Shout-out to Lois Sophia!!) It was also a great way for us to chat for a bit with people. 

At this point the crowd had thinned quite a bit, and there were exactly the right amount of people left for the hymn sing. It's always so nice to return to the music I grew up with: acapella in 4-part harmony. Those who weren't as interested in the singing started on teardown, which was really nice of them. Once all our voices were tired (mostly the sopranos after a particularly high descant on the chorus of the last song) it was time for a sendoff! Zeb and I ran through a cloud of bubbles, which Bailey was not sure about, as everyone cheered and waved. 

The whole two days were both so good. Not perfect by any means, but so good. We felt loved and celebrated, and I hope everyone else felt appreciated and included as well. 

If you would like to see pictures, please join our wedding Google album and look through what everyone else saw! Or add pictures of your own. Seeing what everyone else got to experience brings me a lot of joy. 😊 I also added the videos of our vows from the reception and all the toasts and such. Facebook won't let me upload the full length, so you'll have to use the Google album if you want to see both of our vows. 

I think that's basically it! We've been back from the honeymoon for a couple of weeks, and life is very full! Moving is so mentally taxing, plus Zeb's work keeps him on his toes, and we're trying to connect and reconnect with people. I'm still not back to volunteering or working yet. But if you can be patient for a bit longer, I'm sure we'll see you at some point! It just takes time to get to everything, and I have to remind myself that it doesn't need to all be a rush. Progress matters, even if it's not super speedy. And we have the rest of our lives (however long that will be) to figure this out. 

Thanks for reading! 

~Dolly

What It's Like to be Engaged

 Hello!

I've been wanting to write an update for awhile now, but it's hard to find both time and mental energy lately. But people like to ask me how wedding planning is going, etc., and it might be nice to have a few more answers.

Usually I just say that I have no clue if things are going well, because I've never done this before! 😅 My friend Grace had the follow-up question of, "How are your stress levels with wedding planning?" which seems like a more concrete metric. So I guess I'll start there.

Sometimes I'm pretty stressed, but right now wedding stuff itself is going well. I think. It's going well in the sense that I actually feel like we're going to not only have a wedding, but we're going to have a good wedding. We've ordered a lot of supplies, we have people who've agreed to help with various parts of the process, and we have a marriage license. We also only have a month to fill in all the other necessary gaps.

I'm trying to not be overly detail-oriented, but there are some aspects of planning that really matter to me. The biggest things I've been focusing on are accessibility options. Firstly is food. It's really important to me for everyone to have the opportunity to eat, and to feel at ease about that. This is a bit more difficult to accomplish when all the side dishes are being provided via potluck. However! A decent amount of people who have dietary restrictions are bringing dishes that meet their needs and therefore the needs of other people, and I think there will be enough. My dad is providing the protein, and that'll be diet accessible except for non-meat-eaters. There are also more simple things like wheelchair accessibility. Our venue is wheelchair accessible, so all we have to do is make sure our table layout has enough space that wheelchair and walker users can freely navigate. The third major thing on the accessibility list is introvert/decompression space. Finding an actual place to put that has been a bit complicated, but we're so blessed to have understanding people to help with that. As a neurodivergent person with a friend group that's almost entirely neurodivergent in various ways, having a place for people to get out of the crowd is a high priority for me. This past Wednesday Zeb and I did a walkthrough of the venue, which is our church gym. We looked at all the tech and discussed what we want from the space, and asked about an introvert room. It was so cool to see the idea be immediately understood, and to have people troubleshoot options and ideas for us. 

Feeling like we'll be able to have an event that's as accessible as I can conceive has lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders.

Another thing that's been so helpful is actually ordering stuff. Over the past few months I've spent so much time and energy searching for the best options at the best prices and compiling lists of products for food, activities, and decor. Actually having the items is so helpful! It's like that's removed some background noise in my brain. If we've already ordered something, it's too late to search for a better deal. My research is over, we're staying in budget, and I can move on to the next thing. Also, it's just fun to have enough materials in hand to start visualizing final outcomes. The little centerpiece decorations are so cute and I can't wait to put them together. We have just... so much greenery and flowers for the arch, and I'm thrilled. Plus, Michael's entire spring florals section was on sale!! I told Zeb that I would psych myself out looking at prices, and asked if I could just grab stuff without having to consider the price of each individual stem. He was amenable to this plan so off I went, with Zeb dutifully following behind with a cart, and giving feedback on the balance and variety of colors.

Behold our bounty.

Oh! Another question I get is, "What are your wedding colors?" If you can't tell by the variety pictured above, the answer is, "All of them." 😁

That's not to say things will be chaotic, necessarily. 

We didn't set out to have a themed wedding, but it's happening anyway. Between my joint love of moss and mushrooms, and Zeb's interest in D&D, we've ended up with a sort of fantasy/forest vibe. Moss, mushrooms, little lanterns, treasure chests of chocolate coins...

I'm so excited to see what it'll all look like. 

I know decorations aren't everything, or even anything super important at all. They could be considered shallow. But they can also be a form of expression, and we want to share our interests and personalities with guests who may only know one of us. Also, who doesn't think chocolate coins are fun?

We also have games and activities planned, which I'm super excited about. I really want everyone to have fun, and we're going for a bit of a family reunion vibe. Recently I found out that'll be more accurate of a description than I planned! Three of my cousins, who are siblings, are all planning to come and it'll be the first time they've all been together in roughly five years!

There are still some things to worry about, of course. Potential drama between people. Roles that haven't quite been filled yet. Preparations that still need to be scheduled. We need to write our "I-Do's" and practice them. 

But we've reached a tipping point where there are now more things to be excited about, than there are things to be worried about.

Zeb almost has his entire outfit in hand. All that's really left are the fancy socks that are supposed to arrive this week.

My wedding dress is well under way, my veil is being embroidered, and tomorrow I'm going to my friend Maggie's house to test out the base of a flower crown she's making! So many gifts and contributions from dear people. I feel honored and loved.

In the middle of everything, Zeb and I have been looking for a place to live! And trying to find time and space to rest, both together and individually. Zeb has said from the beginning of this process that he'll prioritize building a marriage over planning a wedding. And since the marriage is the whole point, I agree. Sometimes it takes a lot of intentionality and effort, but we try to keep our relationship balanced and healthy. I'm so grateful for a partner who wants both of us to grow, and I'm looking forward to actually being married to him!

I'm also looking forward to moving!! We've talked about the idea of me and the girls being the first to move into our new place, rather than Zeb living there until we get married. I love the idea of having a head start on creating a home, and settling the girlies, and also just living in a building. This trailer has been a very sweet home, but I'm also starting to see it fall apart around me. A couple years of being exposed to the elements have caused wear and damage. It's to be expected; this thing is older than I am. So, it's been good but it's time for me to move on. I look forward to living in a place that won't have mushrooms growing from the walls. 😅

A little friend I had for a brief time this winter. Don't mind the duct tape, hahaha

Overall, life is very full right now. Filled with both excitement and anxiety, but my therapist likes to remind me that those two feelings can be very much related. I'm so incredibly grateful for our various communities. Church, friends, family, and people that blur the lines between those categories. I have so many people to ask for advice, and it's been really cool to have some of Zeb's family members start filling that role for me as well. It's weird to think that I'm entering something more expansive than a marriage. This one relationship has opened the door to many more, and I'm joining a family that I otherwise would have never known about. It's strange and sweet, and I think that describes a lot of the whole wedding process. 

Everything is new and unfamiliar, but we also have experienced so much support and kindness. Thank you to everyone who's helping to make things feel real. A couple of weeks ago Zeb and I both mentioned feeling like no one would come. 😅 Now as RSVPs have started coming in, that anxiety is dissipating. 

We're so excited to see everyone there! To take pictures, play games, eat good food, and celebrate. ❤️

See you in a month!

~Dolly

Adventures Afar(ish)

 Now that January is over half over, I'm ready to write about Christmastime! 

Zeb and I went to Washington on Christmas Eve to spend time with his family, and stayed with his parents for about a week afterwards. At some point on our trip, Zeb told me I had to write a blog post about it. 

I could write about the beautiful scenery, about meeting people, about my experimental eggnog pie...

I could write about how well Bailey traveled, or how it felt to be in Zeb's hometown, or what it was like getting to know his parents.

But what Zeb wants me to tell you about... are our adventures at Leavenworth.

So here begins a tale of cold feet, animal smuggling, and breaking and entering.

We headed to Leavenworth sometime between Christmas and New Year's Eve. Apparently this is a busy time of year over there! We circled the main street area a few times with no luck, and ended up finding parking in a residential area a few blocks away. Everything was covered in either snow, slush, or water. I had only brought one pair of shoes, some beat-up old suede boots. They quickly absorbed as much moisture as possible and kept my feet nice and cool the entire afternoon. They also have absolutely no tread, and made walking on packed snow/ice and slush very exciting!

Zeb fared quite a bit better with his footwear choices, and therefore had to purposely walk as slowly as possible while I slipped and slid my way down the hill a few blocks, and tried to dodge the giant puddles at all the crosswalks and intersections. This remained a theme for the rest of the day. I did everything very slowly and loudly, from carefully walking through snow and giving the occasional discreet shriek when I slipped, to smelling every candle in every store that had candles, and excitedly beckoning Zeb over to join me.

We had brought Bailey with us, and decided to keep her in Zeb's messenger bag for the afternoon. Once we finally made it to the actual part of town that everyone goes to Leavenworth for, we were already wet, tired, and getting hungry. The restaurants we were interested in had crazy wait times, and one of them immediately informed us of their anti-pet policy as soon as we poked our heads in the door, it seemed.

This was all mildly discouraging, and my blood sugar was starting to crash. We started walking towards McDonald's as an emergency measure. There were two problems with this plan. Number one, it was on the other end of town. Number two, Zeb hates McDonald's. But I needed food, and McDonald's was not likely to have a multiple-hour wait. Luckily I spotted a Starbucks and made the executive decision to change course. The Starbucks was super crowded, but at least it was warm and there was no rain or snow happening inside. I ordered a bunch of different foods and a drink for us to share, and snagged a tiny table in a corner. 

Bailey trying to dry off inside Starbucks

The coffee wasn't great, of course. But it was warm, and so was the food, and we were greatly comforted. So with blood sugar stabilized and misery abated, we braved the cold and rain once more. The wait for Andreas Keller's restaurant was 3+ hours, I think? So we had some time to kill.

Once I got over my cold feet and decided to have fun, it really was a lovely time. All the Christmas lights were still up, and the stores were pleasantly bustling with other touristy people. Zeb was also having a good time, so much so that he even agreed to take some selfies with me, trying to angle things juuust right so the Christmas lights would show in the background.

We wandered through so many shops. We got some very expensive fudge, found our last names in a genealogy book, and Zeb got Bailey a ridiculously priced Seahawks hoodie at a little pet store. 

And then, as we were wandering, I saw a sign. 

"Museum"

"Can we please go? I know you hate museums, but I wanna see what it is!"

Zeb kindly acquiesced, and we climbed the staircase to the Leavenworth Historical Museum.

There was no one at the desk. Here is where the breaking and entering comes in, although I confess I may have exaggerated it a bit. I did not want to enter the museum without paying the $5 per person fee, but what were we to do? We waited awkwardly, with no sign of help. I looked around considered our options, and got an idea. What if I just check out our tickets myself? How hard could it be? So I reached over the counter and pulled the little checkout computer thing to where I could see it, selected two adult tickets, and paid for them. I saved the receipt to prove that we had indeed bought our tickets, and as soon as I completed my daring mission, the museum employee whose job I had just taken over, approached us and offered her assistance. "No thank you, we already got our tickets! See, I have the receipt, we already paid."

Luckily, she was fine with all of this, and very enthusiastically answered a couple of questions and then some! I think she was just excited that someone was obviously so passionate to go through the museum. 

After all that buildup, we went through the whole museum in about 15 minutes. 😅 There was a lot of interesting info all over, and a lot of care and passion obvious in all the details. But I think my favorite part of the whole thing was the little checkout computer. That was probably just because of the adrenaline rush, though.

Soon after this escapade, our turn on the restaurant wait-list came up. I'm pretty sure they let us make the reservation because Bailey was in a bag and also below the little check-in podium/counter thing, so no employees saw her. We were determined to keep it that way when we went back to actually eat. 

Bailey had been a perfect angel all day. She nestled quietly in her blanket nest in Zeb's bag, and gladly let us put the flap over her to keep her head dry. 

However. 

As soon as we sat down she decided that now was her time to make a move. We looked over our menus while Zeb tried to keep her tucked under his arm and out of sight. Whenever a server came by, I would hold my menu up to divert attention away from Zeb's mild struggling, and he would lean forward and try to hide Bailey behind his arm, and we successfully ordered food without being caught. When it came, of course Bailey was very interested. Zeb did his best to keep her contained, and we thoroughly enjoyed our meal. I think laughing at Bailey's antics enhanced the experience, overall.

Bailey subtly requesting a bite of schnitzel.

With our meal finished, Zeb subtly maneuvered Bailey back into the bag, and we headed out, thoroughly pleased with our accomplishment.

We wandered through more shops until evening, and enjoyed the caramelly smells from a kettle corn stand. My favorite shop was a spices and tea store that had everything you could possibly want, in bulk. There was a full wall with jars of spices, and another full wall with jars of tea. It was glorious. I want to take Hannah there sometime.

The absolute decadence!

As dusk fell, we bid Leavenworth farewell. Zeb walked with Bailey back up the hill to his truck, while I waited at a pedestrian pick-up area and admired the view.

We drove back to Zeb's parents' house, content with our adventures. 

Honestly, I'm really proud of myself. When the day started, it seemed like things would be somewhat miserable the whole way through. We drove in circles looking for parking, we walked through snow, in the rain, and got wet feet. We were hungry and cold. 

And I decided to just ... not be miserable. We had set out to have fun and enjoy ourselves. When we were sitting in Starbucks, I checked in with Zeb. He was tired and cold and slightly discouraged. 

"I'm trying to picture a scenario where, in a couple of hours, we're having a good time. I can't quite get there, but I'm trying."

I asked him to look for a scenario in which he was having a good time, because I was already enjoying myself. 

He seemed kinda surprised, but I think maybe it took some pressure off of him to make things perfect.

And sure enough, a couple hours later we were having a pretty great time. 

I'm really glad I was able to choose to have fun. And I'm so relieved and slightly surprised that it actually worked! There are so many times where I can't quite tip the scales of the day, away from misery or discontentment. Often Zeb has to be the one to say, "No, we're not going to have a bad day. Things don't have to be perfect for us to enjoy them." And that day in Leavenworth, it was my turn to change our course and choose to embrace whatever the day would look like. It looked like adventures, laughter, and cold wet feet. And that was perfect.

-Dolly