Resolute

This month has been pretty great for me so far. New Year's didn't do anything for me, I think my brain is now wired to think on a monthly basis, not a yearly one. So instead of raving about how 2019 is off to a great start, I will simply say that so far, January seems to be going well.

I meant to spend time at the end of December reflecting over 2018, and figuring out who I want to be in 2019. But I am always late, so it didn't happen until maybe a week ago. I made a pretty little page in my bullet journal, got out a trusty mechanical pencil, and started writing. First I started with my reflections on the key points of the past year, as they stood out to me.

I think 2018 was a year of painful growth.

I started understanding grace more.

I stopped beating myself up as much. 

I prioritized relationships and reached out to people. 

I asked for help. 

I took better care of my body and mind. 

I didn't force others to suffer with me. 

I made myself be a bit braver. 

I didn't take things as personally. 

I prioritized healthier eating. 

I started being more mindful in my struggles and circumstances. 

I learned to stand up for myself a bit more.

I think 2018 was a year of unexpectedly significant achievements.

I called the suicide hotline.

I didn't die.

I started volunteering at an animal shelter.

I learned to manage money

I survived multiple codependent-attempting relationships at once.

My inter-family relationships improved! ( I'm treating others in a more healthy way.)

I want 2018 to be a year of newfound maturity.

I want to broaden my horizons mentally and physically.

I want to make choices, not regrets. (I really like this one!)

I want to be wrong sometimes. To be ok being fallible.

I want to remember that God is in charge.

I will trust Him to be good, more.

I want to spend less time 'on-screen'.

I want to spend my time intentionally and wisely.

I want to cultivate more good relationships.

I want to be more consistent.


And those are my thoughts on 2018/19. I realize that there are a lot of words for someone who "doesn't care" about New Year's this past month. but I don't think this is about New Year's, so much as it is about me just taking stock and looking ahead.

That's all I have.

Oh! My singular resolution is to keep things realistic. I'm tired of setting goals for myself, that aren't achievable, and then getting burned out or discouraged. So, I'ma try to avoid doing that this year. And for the rest of my life as well.

I guess that's why New Year's doesn't seem that important to me. Setting temporary goals doesn't make that much sense. I would much rather set goals to grow, that will change how I live going forward. I want lifelong changes, that will help me be healthier and live more of what I believe.

That's all I've got!

~Dolly.