Stereotypes, Example 1

Stereotype Challenge #1: Depression

If you know me, you probably think of me as a relatively happy person. That's the first myth of depression. You might not know that someone has it. I'm not constantly depressed, for one thing, and for another, I can sometimes hide it. But the biggest reason is this: If I'm depressed, you probably won't be there. I will be at home, slogging through it, and only the people closest to me will know.


The second myth, the one I encounter all the time in Christian circles, is that depression is purely spiritual or mental. I don't become depressed because of 'negative self-talk' or whatever; I berate myself, or allow Satan to berate me because the depression is already there. It makes me weaker, more open to spiritual attack, but my depression is not a purely spiritual problem.

Also, fixing the way I view myself will not fix the problem. It might make things slightly easier, but it definitely won't fix the problem.  Negativity is a symptom or by-product of depression, not the cause of it, and to just combat depression on a spiritual or mental level might not work for everyone.

One other thing: DO NOT accuse a depressed person of just not seeking God enough. It makes sense, apparently, because if someone is depressed, they must not be experiencing the 'joy of the Lord.' Thus, it follows that if I just pray enough, read my Bible enough, trust God enough, cast out enough spirits in the name of Jesus, or anything else you want to put in there, my depression will miraculously be gone!

But.

This is dangerously close to legalism. Also, I can't speak for everybody: we're all different, but I accuse myself enough already, especially when I'm depressed. (Negative self-talk, remember?) I don't want to come across as some accusatory know-it-all, so sorry if that's the case. I guess I'm just making an appeal to God's people to remember to act with grace. (And yeah, ok, I really need that reminder too, especially with how this blog post is going. )


Closely related to that myth is the thought that there is always (or almost always) an obvious mental or emotional cause for depression.

Depression doesn't need a reason. It can strike out at anyone, and the church (including myself) needs to learn how to empathize.

Some people do have depression battles stemming from intense grief or trauma, but others may be depressed because of hormones or other physical reasons that are less obvious. The question, "What do you have to be depressed for?" can't always be answered. When I was asked that (by someone I love dearly), my life was pretty easy and good. There were no obvious "reasons" for my depression. It just was.

Honestly, my life is still pretty easy. I shouldn't struggle with depression, right? My parents love me and the Lord, I'm at a healthy church, and no one's bullying me or anything. Not only that, but I am seeking God. Depression just doesn't always mean that a person's life is terrible.


Fourthly, depression is not my, or anyone else's identity. It is a disease, a handicap we struggle against. Honestly, non-depressed people probably already agree with this. It's for those of us in the middle of the problem, that I write this. Depression is not my fault, or your fault. Just like a person with a physical handicap can live life, they just need to work a little harder on some things than other people, so we with an emotional handicap can live life, it's just a lot (yes, I'll admit it) harder for us than for some other people.

We can't control that. And just as someone with paralyzed legs can use a wheelchair, we should use the resources available to us. Whether those be emotional/spiritual counselling, natural medicine, or drugs, there are options for us. I know that sometimes it's quite literally impossible to think rationally or make any sort of decisions. I've been there waaayyyy too many times! So, one of the biggest resources to utilize, is other people. People who at least somewhat understand and/or are willing to learn how life is for you and what can be done to help. Mostly just people you know you can depend on to make good decisions when you can't.

For non-depressed people, I guess I'd just ask you to be the kind of person others can count on in their times of need. It's something we all long to do, I think. We want to be useful and helpful to the people around us, right?

Well, you are. When you listen and love and don't judge, you are doing exactly what God designed you to do. Thank you for that.

Farewell! Hope this made some semblence of sense!

~Dolly

The Best Kind of Friend

My heart is full right now.

My closest friend just let me call off our plans for tomorrow and agreed to come over and do homework with me because this week has stunk and I'm kinda behind.

Who does that, right?

Hannah's just one of those people though. She's loyal and fun and totally practical when I need her. She's up for girls' days out, and she's also cool with just hanging out at her college or one of our houses watching TV or swapping pics of cute guys. (Damian McGinty, anyone?)

We've had so many laughs together, but I know that if I need someone, she'll be ready to cry with me too.

I remember this summer, when we were hanging out almost every day. Seriously, her lovely German Shepherd wasn't even getting hyper when I came over, I was there so much! Anyway, I think we both got to a point of thinking 'Is she getting tired of seeing me all the time?' and were each relieved to find that the other person felt the same as we did and wanted to hang out again. Tomorrow. :)

Through this summer, we moved past a lot of insecurities with each other, insecurities in our friendship.

That's why our friendship is still just as strong even though she's in college and I'm stuck at home feeling terrible a lot. We know that both of us wanna make things work out. We're both committed.

So, Hannah! Thank you for being awesome. 😉 Thank you for messaging me randomly on Facebook to ask about hanging out. Thanks for not being scared away by my problems. Thanks for being so selfless. Thanks for being able to talk about anything from crushes to trusting God in pain.

Especially, thank you for being a fantastic baker and lovely-tea maker. 💖

Love you, dear!

~Dolly

Tea Memories

I haven't always been a tea drinker, at least, not a sophisticated one. My mom's always been a coffee person, so I grew up appreciating lattes, breves, normal coffee with (lots of) cream, etc. My Dad kept a stash of mint teas, and Mom occasionally made us drink chamomile (ugh) or sleepytime blends when we were having particular insomnia, but I'd never had experience beyond that.

All that changed when I was at Brownsville Mennonite's Girl's Club, and we had a tea party. The ladies in my cousin Jenny's (here's her creative blog. she writes her own poetry!) family are all avid tea drinkers, to the best of my knowledge, and Auntie Dorcas (her very insightful blog is here) brought an array of teas, including some fancy loose-leaf black tea from Kenya. Honestly, it wasn't my favorite. Kind of bitter and dark and strong, so not the ideal tea to start out with, but it broadened my horizons.

Later, after I (finally!) passed Driver's Ed (That's a story for another time, if ya'll wanna hear. . . read? . . . it.), Mom and I stopped by Auntie Dorcas's to tell them the good news, especially since it's a house full of empathetic listeners. When she heard the news, my cousin Emily (her blog is here, and it's pretty awesome. She's pretty adventurous.) literally jumped in the air, then ran upstairs to grab a celebratory pot of tea she'd been brewing in her room. (I told you they were avid tea drinkers.) That's when tea started to become a sign of happy memories and hospitality: something warm and comforting.

Then about a year ago, one of my favoritest people started broadening her own tea horizons, and I was invited along for the ride. This past school year and summer vacation especially, Hannah and I hung out a lot. And tea was quite often involved. We would sit around, listening to a new favorite song, talking about her latest Ted Dekker book, and catching up on each other's lives. And drinking tea. My personal favorite was Meyer Lemon (which we can only find at Fred Meyer's, which amuses us), and Hannah tried something different each time. She's more of a tea-adventurer than I am. During this time, my appreciation of tea deepened and became a sign of connections and friendships and shared enjoyment and peaceful. . . just abiding together. To me, abiding is being so comfortable with someone that you can totally rest in their presence without feeling threatened, and bare your heart without fear of rejection. That's what tea started to represent to me.

During this summer vacation (I think), Hannah made us a London fog. I pretended to be helpful and tried to stay out of the way. More recently, we experimented together on Early Grey Shortbread Cookies for a tea party. That's when tea, specifically Earl Grey, came to represent teamwork and warm fuzzy feelings, like the wonderful smells of cookies and tea mingled together and filling the kitchen, or the companionable feeling of making a drink together and then getting to appreciate your efforts. In short, I'm sitting by an empty jar that used to hold a London Fog I made this morning, and remembering how I got to this point. A year ago, I maybe would've had an idea of what Earl Grey was. Maybe. Now I have an entire (though short) tea history to look back over!

I'm grateful for the people that helped me get here. Auntie Dorcas, who introduced me to black tea, Emily, who introduced me to the celebration of tea, and Hannah, who introduced me to the companionship of tea. You have truly filed my life with good things. I'm grateful for our shared tea memories, and the new tea moments we'll hopefully share together.

~Dolly