Bailey

God is pretty cool. 😊 I mean, he just works things out!

Case in point: Bailey.

Who is Bailey? Well, I have a story for you! *inserts circumlocution to retain reader attention*

I wanted a dog. Being all alone in an apartment all day gets kinda boring and, well, lonely. So after a discussion with the landlords 😉 I started scouring the internet. Craigslist, Shelter and Rescue sites... and then I saw this li'l white chihuahua with humongous ears and just slightly melted around the edges. And when there were a couple of delays, I was very worried that someone would snatch this darling from under my nose!

This is the picture that made me fall in love.

For instance, 2 days before we were going to go meet her, I got sick. Not cool, Lord!

But that's how we found out that the founder/boss of the rescue is a Christian, was praying over this dog, was specifically praying for a person like me, and would hold out on the other potential adopters until I came in since I contacted the shelter first. So, I guess it was ok, God. Not that you need my approval. But just so You know, You have it.

We went in the next week, or maybe 2 weeks later. And Bailey was super shy and I was a bit worried that this pitiful little thing would have a heart attack or something on the way home. Not quite, but I was worried! But when she started to relax and explore in the sunshine... oh my word!!! So cute!!! And when my Mom asked about maybe doing a week-long trial visit before official adoption, Ms. Marsha (the founder/boss of Hopes Haven and sister in Christ *insert rousing Hallelujah*) was like, "Yeah! You wanna take her home today?"

Well. THAT was unexpected. So I asked if we could pray first.

"Sure! In fact, I'd love to pray with you."

So we all three held hands and prayed. And then there were pictures, and li'l miss Bailey was put in a crate and taken "home". And instead of having a heart attack, she chilled the whole way! After we got home, I opened the crate and this tiny, helpless little furball climbed into my lap. Our fate was sealed.

And that's the story of how God gave me a dog.

He's blessed her since her arrival, too. Withing three days she was already becoming a little diva! She went from cowering to demanding belly rubs (for a solid and constant 2 minutes straight!) and from hiding to introducing herself, albeit tentatively, to new people. She makes everybody smile, especially the big, tough farm guys who see me carrying a tired chihuahua down the road. 😄

So, thank you Lord for working things out despite my anxieties and fear. You have a way of doing that. 😊

And dear reader, stop on in sometime and meet my little lady. You're welcome anytime! (Note, this is a meaningless trope to make you feel welcomed and included in my world. If you notice, I haven't given you my address. Did it work?)

~Dolly

P.S. If you follow Musings on Facebook, you can see occasional journal entries from Bailey herself!

Review

I feel a post welling up inside my heart. Or maybe I'm just needing chocolate. Well, this seems to be the healthier option, soooo. . . . Yeah, I dunno what this'll be about, honestly. Welcome to my brain!

Ok, where to start? MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Alright, that's that. The (possible) post is firmly settled in my head now. I'll do one of those stereotypical "Year in Review"s. But please bear with me, because this post should be just as honest as the normal, occasional stuff I post here.

Let's see. . . what did happen this year?

I got my license! At this point, I've had it for over 6 months and can drive a few other people! This helps me pretend I can have a social life. The only problem is, going out with friends usually requires money. So I kinda keep running out. 2017 Resolution #1: Budgeting!!! Hahaha! 😅

I started this blog this year, so that's cool. I guess. Guys? Please tell me this is cool? Please? 😉 Also learned how to use emojis on here this year! Obviously.

And. . . we got kittens this year! And my (excuse me, our. Our family's) pets were just awesome and joy-inducing in general. Just look at them!

This is my fluffy. She made it through her injury this year, and is just as sweet and     

elegant as ever. She knows just how to          

comfort me by giving moral support without

                                             being too pushy.

 This Coco. She's much sweeter than the picture makes her look! She comes running to see me when I'm lonely, and wants nothing better than to snuggle and be loved.

This is Herbie. Isn't he cute? He's probably the most encouraging person. . . wait, no. Right. He's a dog. Well, he's almost the most encouraging thing in my life! Seriously, I'm about to cry just thinking of it.  His own personal happiness is simply contagious! He just loves people! And he's so careful of things he knows are physically vulnerable to him! Like kittens. Or me. 💗

 This is Ebony (Ebby (Ebs)) He's pretty new to us, but already dear. He's a bit of a cautious boy, and he's SO fluffy!!! Also, he absolutely loves playing with dangly things, which is adorable! He gets along with everyone by very sweetly manipulating them. 😂 But he's floofy and cuddly and sweet and adorable and therefore completely worth it! 💖 

This is Israel (Izzy (Iz)). He's a rambunctious little fellow who can sometimes annoy Cali. They're really close, though. But look at his lovely little face! He likes being petted, but gets impatient with the stillness required to be held and cuddled.

This is dear Cali. After her brother Theo died, she really got attached to us, and was lonely. Now her life has fulfillment again as a surrogate mama to Ebby and Izzy. She's so sweet! She really loves us and starts purring if we even start coming close to her, not even petting or holding her yet!

So those are some really great things from this year. But we also had to leave our church of many years, Grandpa and Grandma died really unexpectedly in a car wreck, and my depression got so. much. worse. 

So yeah, this was a rough year. Um, lemme rephrase that. Yeah, this year stank.

Ok, maybe I should just gloss over the negative stuff after all. I mean, it's almost Christmas! Everyone hypothetically appreciates honesty, I know. But ya'll probably don't want negativity (albeit honest) ruining the holidays for you. How selfish you are! I thought my readers would be better than that! 😜 Okay, yeah, I'll quit kidding around.

This summer was weird. I kinda couldn't work by myself all the time because of depression and separation anxiety. But then, my great friend Hannah and my relationship grew a ton! And she introduced me to some really fantastic tea! 

Another two-sided coin: We left our church of, like, 7 years! But now we've met so many other awesome people at Willamette Christian Center, and we're all learning and growing! It's so cool to see how God works things out!

I think our whole year was like that. Two-sided coins. It was so hard! But I also learned a lot. Unfortunately, lessons learned don't last as long as pain and scars. Well, I guess that's something to work on in the new year! Well, for the first week of it, anyway. 😅

Have Yourselves All Merry Little Christmases!

~Dolly

Hopeless Dreams

Before you assume by the title that this is a negative post and skim past, STOP! :) It has a happy ending!

Okay, now that that's outta the way, I can get started.

This is an annoyingly rough season of life for me. I, like pretty much every other teenager, at least on the interwebs, am reaching toward adulthood while still clinging to childhood. It feels like hanging in air, holding tight to the future and the past, both of which are moving in different directions. Something's gotta give. And I'm afraid that it'll end up being me.

Add to that my uncertainty about my own emotional stability. I wanna reach toward the future, I really do, but what if I make plans, or actually move out or get a job or something and then depression or anxiety hits and I have no one to be there with me and I can't fulfill my own expectations/obligations which will increase anxiety and I fail a class or get fired? I'm just not yet mature enough to handle adulthood, even though I'm old enough to really, really wanna be in that part of life.

I just realized, as I was typing, that I've been afraid. See? Ya'll are walking my journeys with me!

Anyway.

I just got back from a youth retreat (What up, MyWillamette!) that was focused on fear, and running to Jesus instead of just running period or trying to power through alone.

The last night at campfire, Scott stopped playing guitar/singing "Break Every Chain" (which I slightly hate. Still. Read on.) and said that he felt like God had something to say to someone, he didn't know who. Basically, maybe someone was being chained by something and they just needed reassurance that God can break every chain that binds us. There is power in Jesus' name.

I don't know if that was meant for me, but God spoke to me anyway, and gave me this idea of broken hope. See, I'd been feeling so bound by circumstances, namely depression, that I'd completely given up. I'd entirely forgotten about the part where Jesus says to keep asking, keep bugging God about our problems until they're somehow resolved. I felt like God didn't wanna heal me, didn't care that I was hurting. And I listened to those lying feelings and believed them.

But.

He's showing me (Yes, I'm still learning this. That was just the start of the process.) that those were lies. He can heal me, and He wants to! Maybe my depression won't just go away, but God can heal my heart from this sense of betrayal and trust lost. He can heal my hope. That's the phrase that's been running through my head, and I love it because it's true.

Life's still hard and painful. But I have a God that is in my circumstances with me, but also outside them, and He has power over them! Talk about perspective!

Now comes the hard part of living like this is true. Just because I know something, doesn't mean I can put it into practice right away. I'm most definitely a fallible human bean! But there's still hope, because God's started showing me this truth, and I trust Him to finish this work He's begun in my life. (The Bible, somewhere. Phillipins 1:6- I found it!)

I guess, this was a really long way to say: "Thank You, Lord, for hope. I obviously can't make it through this life without it."


Thanks for reading!

~Dolly