I haven't posted anything for a while. I've had some ideas for posts and things bouncing around in my head, but could never quite flesh them out. Sorry for the hiatus. I don't know if it's ending, but it is having a break right now. Because obviously, there's a post up. You're reading it at this moment.
I don't think this is one of my normal posts. Usually I write about my reflections, or what is currently happening in my life. But today I want to tell you my story. I think it's important. Not that I have a particularly special story, but that it's important for everyone to share their story with at least someone. Even the Bible says that the way God's people have victory over Satan is because of Jesus' blood, and because they tell their stories.
so... Hi! My name is Dolly. I was born in 1999 in Wilsonville Oregon, to my parents.
They are both Christians, and I grew up in a pretty loving, caring environment. One of the things that I was always taught was the idea of sympathy, and/or empathy. So, when I started going to school, I was always friends with the kids who didn't have friends. Usually they didn't have friends because they were weird. But, I couldn't stand the thought of them feeling lonely, so I would hang out with them. I just hated to see anyone around me suffering.
As I started getting a bit older, and life got more complicated, I started becoming more aware of my own personal conflicts and hurts, and started hating my own suffering more than anything.
I think a lot of this was because I always put pressure on myself to perform. I wanted people to approve of me, I felt like I had to make sure I was holding everything together, and not causing any one extra stress or trouble.
when I was around 13, my natural tendencies to be high-strung, started spiraling into a very intense anxiety and depression. I didn't understand what was going on, and I felt extremely helpless and frustrated. I started developing this attitude that if God was going to leave me to deal with this, I didn't want anything to do with Him, either.
This led to a very brief but toxic period of atheism. I was feeling even more pressure to handle everything by myself, and I couldn't. I was emotionally out of control, showering hurt towards myself and towards other people.
One night I went downstairs to talk to my parents, when I should have been sleeping. This was one of my favorite activities. As I was talking, I finally just gave up. Not in the sense of giving up and not trying, but I just finally acknowledge the fact that whatever was going on, I couldn't handle it. It was just too much. And from my upbringing, I knew that Jesus can handle anything. He kind of already did, by taking all of our problems and hurt, and the way we hurt others, and dying under that weight. And it still couldn't hold him down, and he came back to life, and he is alive now.
So, I finally handed everything over to God.
Not much changed, in a way. I have never been a thriver. But I am a survivor. I think because of that, I can tend to believe that I am worthless, and useless. I'm not accomplishing anything meaningful: I'm just barely getting by. But according to God, that's not true. Everyday is the new chance, and I believe that if I am here, it's because God has a plan. So, I have a job to do. And that's really an important part of what I believe.
I think the most important part of my belief system, to me, though, is the idea of Heaven. I just can't wait to go home. To finally be in a place where I fully belong, and I am finally able to recognize that I am loved. Dealing with depression and anxiety, that is a very hard thing for me to acknowledge and believe down here. I just can't really feel/believe it.
I'm just really looking forward to finally being free from all the hurt and sickness that keeps holding me down.
Most of the time, my life is absolutely bleak and miserable. I hate it. A lot.
But what keeps me going is this; The idea that I do have a purpose, and especially The idea that I have a home. Not here, but a place where things will get better, and they will be that way forever.
So, that's pretty much who I am, and how I got here, and what's important to me.
I don't think I'm sharing this to accomplish anything, but here it is. I hope it makes sense. And doesn't sound too spiritual or something.
~Dolly
Coffee and Connecting
I don't know what this post is going to be about, exactly, but there are words swirling around in my head the way visual snippets do before I sketch a new outfit design, so I'm writing. (Or, 'typing,' I guess.)
I've been more creative lately, which is nice. If I'm not sketching, I'm planning room designs, or scrapbooking with Shutterfly, or coming up with new tea blends or coffee creations. Or, in this case, I'm writing. I feel more productive when I can express my creativity like this: doing positive things that help me feel more fulfilled.
It's interesting how all these productive feelings are coming to be, because this is one of the hardest summers I've been through- only second or third to the summer after the crash that killed my grandparents. That summer was the first time I actually contemplated suicide as a distinct, and possibly positive, course of action. This summer is not nearly as bad in that regard.
But I have been feeling incredibly useless in some of the things that matter to me a lot.
Working.
Helping my family.
Investing in relationships.
Taking care of myself.
I've been so anxious most of the time that it hasn't been a great idea for me to work long hours alone. Which is exactly what farm work requires.
My first few years combining were so fulfilling- I was contributing to my family's livelihood- I had worked really hard to get to the point of being able to run equipment. In fact, I tested this combine before my family bought it, because they wanted to get something I could operate. And that is how we acquired a John Deer 9600 Combine that I named "Frank" my first year. Whether my dad liked it or not. 😉
And then, a couple years ago there was a car crash and my grandparents died. My whole family had to work a lot longer and harder that next harvest, because we were two people short. And I was dangerously suicidal and unable to contribute. My mom filled in for me, which meant that she was a full-time farm worker, a full-time mom, and she was feeding, and washing clothes for, and cleaning up after all of us, the rest of the crew. That was the most devastating summer I have ever lived through.
No summer since has been the same.
So, here I am, feeling sorry for myself.
A week or two ago, something shifted. I had been increasingly lashing out at my family and distancing myself from the world in general. Strange how you only see things coming once they've arrived. I had yelled at my brother, and after retreating back into my apartment to cry about it, I realized how much I'd been reverting over the summer.
The past year or two has been crazy transformative for me. I'm almost a different person from the crazy, hurting, verbally-abusive teenager I was a few years ago. And there I was, acting fourteen again.
I apologized that evening. And that night, I prayed. The next morning, I prayed.
And things started getting a little better. I'm still an emotional wreck, but I'm not a black hole anymore. Do you know that feeling? When your internal suffering is so dense it feels like it's dragging the rest of the world in with you? I hate myself when I'm a black hole. Not that that's a good thing, it's just true.
My life isn't all better. I'm not combining today. Instead, I'm writing a blog post and crying. Not exactly feeling like a success at the moment. But I am feeling successful.
I've been reaching out to people, reconnecting. I had my neighbor over for coffee yesterday. I went to lunch with a friend on Sunday. I had my best friend over at ten at night last week for ice cream. (She works late.) I've been making frappuccinos and other (coffee!) drinks for our harvest crew. My latest creation is an adaptation of a Pinterest idea: Iced cold brew with lightly salted cream and homemade caramel. It's gorgeous and delicious. Seriously. Amazing. I brew the cold myself. 😁
I've been teaching my pig to use his ramp and swimming pool.
I've started eating something besides microwaved corn dogs.
Tomorrow I go back to my counselor/therapist.
Life is getting better. Harvest will be over this week, and I will have made it through another one, by the grace of God and the power that coffee has to bring people back together.
Whatever you're dealing with, I'm sorry. If your loved ones are hurting, I'm sorry. If you're hurting, I'm sorry. If you just don't know what to do with yourself right now, I'm sorry. Honestly. I don't say things I don't mean. And I mean this: You can do this. You can survive this. Life doesn't magically fix itself, but the good thing about it is that, no mater what, "This too, shall pass."
That's all I've got. I hope it makes sense and maybe helps a little.
~Dolly
I've been more creative lately, which is nice. If I'm not sketching, I'm planning room designs, or scrapbooking with Shutterfly, or coming up with new tea blends or coffee creations. Or, in this case, I'm writing. I feel more productive when I can express my creativity like this: doing positive things that help me feel more fulfilled.
It's interesting how all these productive feelings are coming to be, because this is one of the hardest summers I've been through- only second or third to the summer after the crash that killed my grandparents. That summer was the first time I actually contemplated suicide as a distinct, and possibly positive, course of action. This summer is not nearly as bad in that regard.
But I have been feeling incredibly useless in some of the things that matter to me a lot.
Working.
Helping my family.
Investing in relationships.
Taking care of myself.
I've been so anxious most of the time that it hasn't been a great idea for me to work long hours alone. Which is exactly what farm work requires.
My first few years combining were so fulfilling- I was contributing to my family's livelihood- I had worked really hard to get to the point of being able to run equipment. In fact, I tested this combine before my family bought it, because they wanted to get something I could operate. And that is how we acquired a John Deer 9600 Combine that I named "Frank" my first year. Whether my dad liked it or not. 😉
And then, a couple years ago there was a car crash and my grandparents died. My whole family had to work a lot longer and harder that next harvest, because we were two people short. And I was dangerously suicidal and unable to contribute. My mom filled in for me, which meant that she was a full-time farm worker, a full-time mom, and she was feeding, and washing clothes for, and cleaning up after all of us, the rest of the crew. That was the most devastating summer I have ever lived through.
No summer since has been the same.
So, here I am, feeling sorry for myself.
A week or two ago, something shifted. I had been increasingly lashing out at my family and distancing myself from the world in general. Strange how you only see things coming once they've arrived. I had yelled at my brother, and after retreating back into my apartment to cry about it, I realized how much I'd been reverting over the summer.
The past year or two has been crazy transformative for me. I'm almost a different person from the crazy, hurting, verbally-abusive teenager I was a few years ago. And there I was, acting fourteen again.
I apologized that evening. And that night, I prayed. The next morning, I prayed.
Lord, I have been having all these crazy emotions, and I've been dragging other people into my suffering. It's not ok. Please help me to not do that today.
And things started getting a little better. I'm still an emotional wreck, but I'm not a black hole anymore. Do you know that feeling? When your internal suffering is so dense it feels like it's dragging the rest of the world in with you? I hate myself when I'm a black hole. Not that that's a good thing, it's just true.
My life isn't all better. I'm not combining today. Instead, I'm writing a blog post and crying. Not exactly feeling like a success at the moment. But I am feeling successful.
I've been reaching out to people, reconnecting. I had my neighbor over for coffee yesterday. I went to lunch with a friend on Sunday. I had my best friend over at ten at night last week for ice cream. (She works late.) I've been making frappuccinos and other (coffee!) drinks for our harvest crew. My latest creation is an adaptation of a Pinterest idea: Iced cold brew with lightly salted cream and homemade caramel. It's gorgeous and delicious. Seriously. Amazing. I brew the cold myself. 😁
 |
| Not the best picture. It tastes MUCH better than this looks. |
I've been teaching my pig to use his ramp and swimming pool.
 |
| This is Cornelius. He is a KuneKune, which is a mini breed from New Zealand. He is bad at using ramps. |
I've started eating something besides microwaved corn dogs.
 |
| Mushrooms, egg, sausage(?), and avocado on a croissant; sprinkled with salt, pepper, and parmesan. |
Tomorrow I go back to my counselor/therapist.
Life is getting better. Harvest will be over this week, and I will have made it through another one, by the grace of God and the power that coffee has to bring people back together.
Whatever you're dealing with, I'm sorry. If your loved ones are hurting, I'm sorry. If you're hurting, I'm sorry. If you just don't know what to do with yourself right now, I'm sorry. Honestly. I don't say things I don't mean. And I mean this: You can do this. You can survive this. Life doesn't magically fix itself, but the good thing about it is that, no mater what, "This too, shall pass."
That's all I've got. I hope it makes sense and maybe helps a little.
~Dolly
Learning Things
I've never been a big fan of object lessons. They're usually very moralistic and preachy, and not very entertaining. And I always feel like the point of object lesson should be to teach by entertaining in some form or another. Or at least, hold one's interest.
But the past couple weeks I feel like God has been showing me a couple things through object lessons. Not stories that people tell, but things that I have seen.
The first case happened when Mom and I were driving through downtown Eugene. There was a sign holder on the side of the road, and usually those people are very pitiful. But he had a sign that said, "Smile, Life's too short to have a ****y attitude." And he genuinely seemed to be embodying this statement. He also had a dog that he offered to bring out for Mom and I to pet, which we declined because the dog was sleeping and we did not wish to wake him.
As I looked at this man, it really struck me. Here is someone that the world looks down on. And yet he's smiling, and he seems satisfied with where he's at. That's something I want to learn. Even if the rest of the world looks down on me: for the way I dress, for how I live, or for my morals, I want to be able to just look up at everybody else and smile.
Another thing that stood out to me happened while we were down in Mexico a couple weeks ago. I was walking my dog Bailey through the village where we were staying, and there were a lot of dogs in their own homes and yards/kennels. As we were walking down the little street, there was a cacophony of barking and yipping and all sorts of other dog related noises. Bailey noticed them, but crossed to the other side of the road and kept walking without making a peep or even really looking up. I was highly impressed by that. I think that when the rest of the world around me is getting all worked up over things, be they drama, politics or just the newest things to get mad about; I want to not get involved. I want to be able to not bark back, even when everybody around me is yapping their heads off.
A third incident that inspired me also happened down in Mexico. We were there for my cousin's wedding, and apparently there's a tradition where the bride and groom stand a few yards away from each other, each holding a box. Wedding guests put money in the boxes for the couple to take steps towards each other. But a couple of ladies put money into the groom's box and made him step backwards instead. 😁 Afterwards I was talking to Tia Margy, who moved down to Mexico years ago from the States. She was so excited that she had made the groom walk backwards instead of forwards. She had seen a couple of people do that at previous wedding and thought it was fun. So she did it herself this time.
I was so impressed by the joy she had in that simple act. Tia Margy has lived in Mexico for as long as I've known she existed. But she isn't bored with it. She's always excited about a new thing she just learned- a new skill, a new insight into Mexican culture, a new project. Her life could be monotonous if she let it, I guess, but she's never bored. I want to learn to notice the things around me and take interest in them like she does.
That's all.
I hope you're all having fantastic days and looking forward to more of spring and eventually a summer! (I personally am looking forward to my birthday at the end of the month.)
K, byeee!
~Dolly
But the past couple weeks I feel like God has been showing me a couple things through object lessons. Not stories that people tell, but things that I have seen.
The first case happened when Mom and I were driving through downtown Eugene. There was a sign holder on the side of the road, and usually those people are very pitiful. But he had a sign that said, "Smile, Life's too short to have a ****y attitude." And he genuinely seemed to be embodying this statement. He also had a dog that he offered to bring out for Mom and I to pet, which we declined because the dog was sleeping and we did not wish to wake him.
As I looked at this man, it really struck me. Here is someone that the world looks down on. And yet he's smiling, and he seems satisfied with where he's at. That's something I want to learn. Even if the rest of the world looks down on me: for the way I dress, for how I live, or for my morals, I want to be able to just look up at everybody else and smile.
Another thing that stood out to me happened while we were down in Mexico a couple weeks ago. I was walking my dog Bailey through the village where we were staying, and there were a lot of dogs in their own homes and yards/kennels. As we were walking down the little street, there was a cacophony of barking and yipping and all sorts of other dog related noises. Bailey noticed them, but crossed to the other side of the road and kept walking without making a peep or even really looking up. I was highly impressed by that. I think that when the rest of the world around me is getting all worked up over things, be they drama, politics or just the newest things to get mad about; I want to not get involved. I want to be able to not bark back, even when everybody around me is yapping their heads off.
A third incident that inspired me also happened down in Mexico. We were there for my cousin's wedding, and apparently there's a tradition where the bride and groom stand a few yards away from each other, each holding a box. Wedding guests put money in the boxes for the couple to take steps towards each other. But a couple of ladies put money into the groom's box and made him step backwards instead. 😁 Afterwards I was talking to Tia Margy, who moved down to Mexico years ago from the States. She was so excited that she had made the groom walk backwards instead of forwards. She had seen a couple of people do that at previous wedding and thought it was fun. So she did it herself this time.
I was so impressed by the joy she had in that simple act. Tia Margy has lived in Mexico for as long as I've known she existed. But she isn't bored with it. She's always excited about a new thing she just learned- a new skill, a new insight into Mexican culture, a new project. Her life could be monotonous if she let it, I guess, but she's never bored. I want to learn to notice the things around me and take interest in them like she does.
That's all.
I hope you're all having fantastic days and looking forward to more of spring and eventually a summer! (I personally am looking forward to my birthday at the end of the month.)
K, byeee!
~Dolly
"In Our Image"
People love to complicate things. Have you ever noticed that? A slight difference in opinion can lead to hours of useless debate. We get locked into our mindset and start seeing things in black and white, right and wrong. And, of course, our opinion/belief is always the right one.
I think that's why people get all tangled up about Who God Is.
I like to say that we little hooman beans see things as, "either, or," and God is infinite, so He looks at "either" and "or" and just says, "and." He's outside our limited black-and-white viewpoints.
If that makes sense.
I think this is why we get confused about the Trinity idea. I mean, is He three or is He one?
Obviously He's both, but that's hard to understand when we live in a world where something can be three, or one, but not both.
I think I was in middle school or early high school when I first started to get the idea of God being one and three. I remember being at a home school co-op where we had split into two sides, one arguing Muslim beliefs and the other side Christian ones. One of the Islam advocates brought up the issue of Christianity's "three gods" and all the advocates of Christianity went into a tizzy trying to explain themselves all at once. I remember thinking, This is so much simpler than what they're trying to say.
In the bedlam of shouted opinions, no one but the teacher heard mine, but she affirmed it, which gave me confidence.
My thought was this:
We are made "in God's image." People take that to mean all sorts of things, such as physical appearance, a knowledge of morals, etc. But I think it means the way our bodies, minds, and souls/hearts/emotions are put together. We have three parts, but each of us is only one person.
For instance, I can be washing dishes, crying over a friend's breakup, and thinking about my plans for the weekend all at once. I'm doing three completely unrelated things, but that doesn't mean my brain has hopped out of my skull or my soul is somewhere far away.
That is, I believe, how the Trinity works.
I tend to think of Father God as the mind of God. He's the planner, the logic behind the entirety of everything.
Jesus is obviously the body- the physical form/aspect of God.
And I'd see the Holy Spirit as God's form of soul. He's the part of God that softens hearts and heals emotional scars/wounds.
Some people would split this up into different parts such as "body, soul, and spirit." I don't want to get all technical here. In fact, I have no guarantee that this idea is theologically correct at all!
But it's the only explanation of the Trinity of God that I've heard that is relatively understandable (at least to me) without being oversimplified. Obviously God is bigger and more complex than any "hooman bean," but since we are "made in God's image," which literally just means we resemble Him, I feel like looking at the way He put us together can help us understand how He operates.
Again, I'm not a well-versed theologian or anything. These are just my thoughts, but I think maybe God gave them to me, so I'll pass them on just in case.
~Dolly
I think that's why people get all tangled up about Who God Is.
I like to say that we little hooman beans see things as, "either, or," and God is infinite, so He looks at "either" and "or" and just says, "and." He's outside our limited black-and-white viewpoints.
If that makes sense.
I think this is why we get confused about the Trinity idea. I mean, is He three or is He one?
Obviously He's both, but that's hard to understand when we live in a world where something can be three, or one, but not both.
I think I was in middle school or early high school when I first started to get the idea of God being one and three. I remember being at a home school co-op where we had split into two sides, one arguing Muslim beliefs and the other side Christian ones. One of the Islam advocates brought up the issue of Christianity's "three gods" and all the advocates of Christianity went into a tizzy trying to explain themselves all at once. I remember thinking, This is so much simpler than what they're trying to say.
In the bedlam of shouted opinions, no one but the teacher heard mine, but she affirmed it, which gave me confidence.
My thought was this:
We are made "in God's image." People take that to mean all sorts of things, such as physical appearance, a knowledge of morals, etc. But I think it means the way our bodies, minds, and souls/hearts/emotions are put together. We have three parts, but each of us is only one person.
For instance, I can be washing dishes, crying over a friend's breakup, and thinking about my plans for the weekend all at once. I'm doing three completely unrelated things, but that doesn't mean my brain has hopped out of my skull or my soul is somewhere far away.
That is, I believe, how the Trinity works.
I tend to think of Father God as the mind of God. He's the planner, the logic behind the entirety of everything.
Jesus is obviously the body- the physical form/aspect of God.
And I'd see the Holy Spirit as God's form of soul. He's the part of God that softens hearts and heals emotional scars/wounds.
Some people would split this up into different parts such as "body, soul, and spirit." I don't want to get all technical here. In fact, I have no guarantee that this idea is theologically correct at all!
But it's the only explanation of the Trinity of God that I've heard that is relatively understandable (at least to me) without being oversimplified. Obviously God is bigger and more complex than any "hooman bean," but since we are "made in God's image," which literally just means we resemble Him, I feel like looking at the way He put us together can help us understand how He operates.
Again, I'm not a well-versed theologian or anything. These are just my thoughts, but I think maybe God gave them to me, so I'll pass them on just in case.
~Dolly
Risen
I love Easter. Chocolate, bunnies, . . . chocolate bunnies . . . and overall hoppiness. Family photos, suits and dresses. A cross and a tomb. . .
I was about to say "life and death," but I realized that's backwards from God. He usually works that way.
But we see a certain order of things: We live and then we die.
In reality, we start dying at birth. Our bodies grow and then decay, but all the time we stay on this rotting planet. Until we finally die . . . and then we start to live! Like, I seriously can NOT wait for Heaven, ya'll! I mean, I don't plan to kill myself, but I also don't wanna stay on this Earth any longer than I have to.
Some people think I'm morbid when I say that, but all I want to do is stop dying and start living! I'm tired of being sick and weak, both physically and emotionally. Tired of being hurt, tired of having to try so hard, every day, to live the way I am meant to.
I'm stinkin' tired!
I think Mary Magdalene got tired too.
Can you imagine how exhaustingly hopeless it must be to be nothing but a shell holding seven demons? To be ignored and looked down on, completely avoided. To just want to feel better. To be unable to fix yourself?
I feel that all the time. I'm not possessed, and I'm not really ostracized, but sometimes I feel like just a shell holding my ridiculous emotions and sad mind. And I can't fix it and I can't just feel better.
But Jesus healed Mary. And she followed Him everywhere.
She listened to Him. She worshiped Him.
And He died! The one thing in her life that had power, the one person she trusted completely. . . He left her. What would happen? Would the demons come back? Would she return to the worthless shell she had been before? She was already looked down on- she couldn't be trusted because she was a woman. But at least she was free inside.
But now Jesus was gone- death had claimed Him and He would never come back. She could never ask all the questions she still didn't have answers to; never again tell Him she loved Him. He had broken her trust by leaving, and she couldn't even tell Him because He was dead. Dead!
So as soon as Sabbath was over she went to Him. She brought the best of her spices and preparations, to do one last thing for the man who had healed her. She went to grieve, and was met with horror.
Someone had taken the body of her Lord!
She ran for help, and when Peter and John had no answers, she collapsed and wept. Angels spoke to her, but that didn't matter in the face of her bitter hurt and grief.
Nothing was right; everything was upside-down. It had been all wrong before, but this was unthinkably tangled up. And then. . .
"Mary."
And she realized that it was true- Jesus is God.
At the moment when all hope is absolutely and utterly obliterated. Jesus lives.
He lives, you guys!
And instead of trying to survive here on this little rock, waiting for, and dreading, the day that everything's over . . . We. Can. Live!
That's what I wanted to say this Easter.
~Dolly
I was about to say "life and death," but I realized that's backwards from God. He usually works that way.
But we see a certain order of things: We live and then we die.
In reality, we start dying at birth. Our bodies grow and then decay, but all the time we stay on this rotting planet. Until we finally die . . . and then we start to live! Like, I seriously can NOT wait for Heaven, ya'll! I mean, I don't plan to kill myself, but I also don't wanna stay on this Earth any longer than I have to.
Some people think I'm morbid when I say that, but all I want to do is stop dying and start living! I'm tired of being sick and weak, both physically and emotionally. Tired of being hurt, tired of having to try so hard, every day, to live the way I am meant to.
I'm stinkin' tired!
I think Mary Magdalene got tired too.
Can you imagine how exhaustingly hopeless it must be to be nothing but a shell holding seven demons? To be ignored and looked down on, completely avoided. To just want to feel better. To be unable to fix yourself?
I feel that all the time. I'm not possessed, and I'm not really ostracized, but sometimes I feel like just a shell holding my ridiculous emotions and sad mind. And I can't fix it and I can't just feel better.
But Jesus healed Mary. And she followed Him everywhere.
She listened to Him. She worshiped Him.
And He died! The one thing in her life that had power, the one person she trusted completely. . . He left her. What would happen? Would the demons come back? Would she return to the worthless shell she had been before? She was already looked down on- she couldn't be trusted because she was a woman. But at least she was free inside.
But now Jesus was gone- death had claimed Him and He would never come back. She could never ask all the questions she still didn't have answers to; never again tell Him she loved Him. He had broken her trust by leaving, and she couldn't even tell Him because He was dead. Dead!
So as soon as Sabbath was over she went to Him. She brought the best of her spices and preparations, to do one last thing for the man who had healed her. She went to grieve, and was met with horror.
Someone had taken the body of her Lord!
She ran for help, and when Peter and John had no answers, she collapsed and wept. Angels spoke to her, but that didn't matter in the face of her bitter hurt and grief.
Nothing was right; everything was upside-down. It had been all wrong before, but this was unthinkably tangled up. And then. . .
"Mary."
And she realized that it was true- Jesus is God.
At the moment when all hope is absolutely and utterly obliterated. Jesus lives.
He lives, you guys!
And instead of trying to survive here on this little rock, waiting for, and dreading, the day that everything's over . . . We. Can. Live!
That's what I wanted to say this Easter.
~Dolly
May It Be So.
"Amen."
Amen is cool. You've probably heard that the literal translation of the word is, "let it be so."
I like that. It's almost like a review of everything you just prayed. Thinking back and saying yes, this is true, this is what I want. This is what I agree with.
So, what did I say in this week-long prayer? What do I walk away from this saying I believe in?
I believe that God is my Daddy, that He lives in Heaven, and that I can't wait to join Him. I believe that He is completely beyond anything I could imagine Him to be- holy.
I believe that the church needs to obey Him and work for the good of His Kingdom. I believe that we need to want what He wants, and do what He says.
I believe that God will give us what we need, especially the Forgiveness that is required for us to really have life.
I believe that we need to forgive other people the way God has forgiven us, so that we too can be fully forgiven. I also believe that forgiveness is extremely difficult.
I believe that we get tempted to do the wrong thing and we mess up, and I believe that God rescues us every time, and that He teaches us to be stronger.
I believe that we as a church are God's people and the citizens of His Kingdom, and that we belong fully to Him. I believe that God is strong enough to defend his children fiercely, and that He will utilize His power to do just that. I believe that God deserves all the honor we could ever give him, and that He is glorious enough to light up all of Heaven.
I believe.
May it be so.
This has been. . . a week.
About two or three days into this challenge I started feeling burned out. But Sabbath Rest takes effort. The rewards come later.
And I do feel more rested. I didn't really do anything this week, but I feel accomplished. Not because I figured something out or found a solution to a big problem, but because I stuck to a commitment and because I did something that matters. I did just one thing this week, and it was enough.
I want to continue with this- recognizing that God is enough. Our relationship is enough. If I accomplish nothing else in life, I want to be able to look back and say, "I loved God with my whole being and passion. It is enough."
Thank you for taking this little journey with me.
~Dolly
Amen is cool. You've probably heard that the literal translation of the word is, "let it be so."
I like that. It's almost like a review of everything you just prayed. Thinking back and saying yes, this is true, this is what I want. This is what I agree with.
So, what did I say in this week-long prayer? What do I walk away from this saying I believe in?
I believe that God is my Daddy, that He lives in Heaven, and that I can't wait to join Him. I believe that He is completely beyond anything I could imagine Him to be- holy.
I believe that the church needs to obey Him and work for the good of His Kingdom. I believe that we need to want what He wants, and do what He says.
I believe that God will give us what we need, especially the Forgiveness that is required for us to really have life.
I believe that we need to forgive other people the way God has forgiven us, so that we too can be fully forgiven. I also believe that forgiveness is extremely difficult.
I believe that we get tempted to do the wrong thing and we mess up, and I believe that God rescues us every time, and that He teaches us to be stronger.
I believe that we as a church are God's people and the citizens of His Kingdom, and that we belong fully to Him. I believe that God is strong enough to defend his children fiercely, and that He will utilize His power to do just that. I believe that God deserves all the honor we could ever give him, and that He is glorious enough to light up all of Heaven.
I believe.
May it be so.
This has been. . . a week.
About two or three days into this challenge I started feeling burned out. But Sabbath Rest takes effort. The rewards come later.
And I do feel more rested. I didn't really do anything this week, but I feel accomplished. Not because I figured something out or found a solution to a big problem, but because I stuck to a commitment and because I did something that matters. I did just one thing this week, and it was enough.
I want to continue with this- recognizing that God is enough. Our relationship is enough. If I accomplish nothing else in life, I want to be able to look back and say, "I loved God with my whole being and passion. It is enough."
Thank you for taking this little journey with me.
~Dolly
For Yours Is. . .
". . . For Yours is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory forever."
I love this triumph as we get to the end of our prayer!
The Kingdom is us. We belong to God, and we as His church need to be ready to go and do whatever He had called us to. He needs workers that will be faithful and do their jobs. We have a mission to expand the boundaries of God's kingdom to where they belong.
Sometimes that's simple and great, but a lot of times it's hard and scary.
But God has power. He is stronger than anything we will ever have to face- even our own fear! He IS fighting on our behalf, and He WILL save us. I tend to be defeatist. But even I have to acknowledge that God has never failed me. The fact that I'm still on this earth instead of buried in it, speaks to His power in saving people.
He has power to save us, and He doesn't waste it.
And for that we glorify Him. Usually when we glorify something, we're making it seem better than it did before. We might even exaggerate to make said thing, whatever it is, seem really great. But the fun part of glorifying God is that we cannot exaggerate Him! All we can do is acknowledge the big, good, strong, sacrificial, just, merciful, creative, . . . holy. . . God that He is. And because He is so incredibly other, we will never run out of things to praise Him for!
Which is weird, cuz I run out of things to say all the time.
Actually, I just don't start, usually.
You know, I've often found that when I do start glorifying God, I get on a roll.
But I think that for myself, getting stuck down here is a big problem. I often get in places where all I can see is gray, and glory doesn't really seem to be a thing that actually exists anywhere. What joy? If He's powerful, why do I feel trapped? If He's so other, so beyond, then why am I so confined by my circumstances?
But when I make myself acknowledge what is true and good, the gray gets cleared away, just a bit, and I can catch a small glimpse into the warm, golden, glorious light of Heaven. Then I can start to see the holiness of God, and as I continue, glorifying God is less of a chore and more of a helpless honor. I am privileged to be able to walk straight up to God, in His throne room, for Pete's sake! and talk to Him. And once I see Him there, just being who He Is, how can I do anything except ascribe glory to Him? Because it's all true.
I belong to Him. He is glorious enough to deserve all my praise. He is powerful- stronger than everything.
That's all.
~Dolly
I love this triumph as we get to the end of our prayer!
The Kingdom is us. We belong to God, and we as His church need to be ready to go and do whatever He had called us to. He needs workers that will be faithful and do their jobs. We have a mission to expand the boundaries of God's kingdom to where they belong.
Sometimes that's simple and great, but a lot of times it's hard and scary.
But God has power. He is stronger than anything we will ever have to face- even our own fear! He IS fighting on our behalf, and He WILL save us. I tend to be defeatist. But even I have to acknowledge that God has never failed me. The fact that I'm still on this earth instead of buried in it, speaks to His power in saving people.
He has power to save us, and He doesn't waste it.
And for that we glorify Him. Usually when we glorify something, we're making it seem better than it did before. We might even exaggerate to make said thing, whatever it is, seem really great. But the fun part of glorifying God is that we cannot exaggerate Him! All we can do is acknowledge the big, good, strong, sacrificial, just, merciful, creative, . . . holy. . . God that He is. And because He is so incredibly other, we will never run out of things to praise Him for!
Which is weird, cuz I run out of things to say all the time.
Actually, I just don't start, usually.
You know, I've often found that when I do start glorifying God, I get on a roll.
But I think that for myself, getting stuck down here is a big problem. I often get in places where all I can see is gray, and glory doesn't really seem to be a thing that actually exists anywhere. What joy? If He's powerful, why do I feel trapped? If He's so other, so beyond, then why am I so confined by my circumstances?
But when I make myself acknowledge what is true and good, the gray gets cleared away, just a bit, and I can catch a small glimpse into the warm, golden, glorious light of Heaven. Then I can start to see the holiness of God, and as I continue, glorifying God is less of a chore and more of a helpless honor. I am privileged to be able to walk straight up to God, in His throne room, for Pete's sake! and talk to Him. And once I see Him there, just being who He Is, how can I do anything except ascribe glory to Him? Because it's all true.
I belong to Him. He is glorious enough to deserve all my praise. He is powerful- stronger than everything.
That's all.
~Dolly
Deliver Us From Evil
"Don't lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one."
One of the biggest things that changes for God's people as we follow Him, is that sin loses its allure. It makes sense: sin is anything that goes against God, so I can't choose to follow Him and willfully fight against Him at the same time.
But then comes the subject of temptation- wanting to do something that is sin. Temptation is hard because it can take our view off of Jesus, and then sin can start to look good. Things get pushed out of perspective.
It can be so hard because I really do want to serve God, I really do love Him. And I really, really don't wanna sin and mess up my ability to do those things! But I get tired, or I just don't wanna put in the effort to resist temptation. Or I get so used to certain sins, or I get things mixed all up and start to believe I'm helpless to this- that there is no alternative to giving up.
And then I mess up and it's really frustrating, because I know exactly where I went wrong, and I'd change it, but now I can't.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but with the temptation will also provide a way out, so that you can stand up under it.
So it's possible to do the right thing, to stand against my own habits and the lies that are being whispered to me silently.
It's just really hard.
So, God, I know I'm gonna be tempted. But when I'm walking into a trap, could you steer me away from it? I think that's what the first phrase means.
The second phrase is also really important.
I used to belong to Satan, sort of. Not rightfully, exactly, but I was his. His property, his slave, unable to stop myself from doing things I hated and being someone I couldn't stand.
Then God swooped in and rescued me! And life has been an adventure of sorts ever since.
But sometimes I find myself wandering back to the familiar, old places without even realizing. Before I know what's up, I get all tangled up and trapped where I used to be. I find myself doing things I don't want to, or not doing the things I should do. I might even start to believe that I was always like this, that I never really changed, even after being with God for so long.
But it's not true!
And God reminds me that I really don't belong here. That I have a better place to be at, and that I can go there anytime. His power is available to me. He will save me again, get me out of my present circumstances and back to where I belong.
Deliver me from my enemy.
And give me strength not to go back so easily next time. He can save me from needing to be saved! THAT is true deliverance: not needing to go back anymore.
I think God saves me all the time by teaching me how to stay free.
~Dolly
One of the biggest things that changes for God's people as we follow Him, is that sin loses its allure. It makes sense: sin is anything that goes against God, so I can't choose to follow Him and willfully fight against Him at the same time.
But then comes the subject of temptation- wanting to do something that is sin. Temptation is hard because it can take our view off of Jesus, and then sin can start to look good. Things get pushed out of perspective.
It can be so hard because I really do want to serve God, I really do love Him. And I really, really don't wanna sin and mess up my ability to do those things! But I get tired, or I just don't wanna put in the effort to resist temptation. Or I get so used to certain sins, or I get things mixed all up and start to believe I'm helpless to this- that there is no alternative to giving up.
And then I mess up and it's really frustrating, because I know exactly where I went wrong, and I'd change it, but now I can't.
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but with the temptation will also provide a way out, so that you can stand up under it.
So it's possible to do the right thing, to stand against my own habits and the lies that are being whispered to me silently.
It's just really hard.
So, God, I know I'm gonna be tempted. But when I'm walking into a trap, could you steer me away from it? I think that's what the first phrase means.
The second phrase is also really important.
I used to belong to Satan, sort of. Not rightfully, exactly, but I was his. His property, his slave, unable to stop myself from doing things I hated and being someone I couldn't stand.
Then God swooped in and rescued me! And life has been an adventure of sorts ever since.
But sometimes I find myself wandering back to the familiar, old places without even realizing. Before I know what's up, I get all tangled up and trapped where I used to be. I find myself doing things I don't want to, or not doing the things I should do. I might even start to believe that I was always like this, that I never really changed, even after being with God for so long.
But it's not true!
And God reminds me that I really don't belong here. That I have a better place to be at, and that I can go there anytime. His power is available to me. He will save me again, get me out of my present circumstances and back to where I belong.
Deliver me from my enemy.
And give me strength not to go back so easily next time. He can save me from needing to be saved! THAT is true deliverance: not needing to go back anymore.
I think God saves me all the time by teaching me how to stay free.
~Dolly
Who've Sinned Toward Us
". . . And forgive our sins as we forgive those who have sinned toward us."
I have a lot of sins. Like defeatism. And apathy. Maybe a little self-righteousness. Sometimes I'm judgemental. Sometimes I don't stand up for truth. Oh, and sometimes I'm really, really ungrateful.
But those don't even compare to what other people have done to me and to the people I love.
Churches that hurt my family deeply. People who completely betrayed my trust and threw it in my face. Even that girl in middle school who tried to push me around. And the kid at my old youth group who made fun of me.
People who've betrayed me, lied to me, hurt me.
Sometimes I catch myself hoping that they'll suffer too.
Except. . .
I was forgiven. I was forgiven for giving in to my circumstances. I've been forgiven for letting things be when I really needed to grow. I was forgiven for lying to myself that I'm better than anybody else, and for thinking of other people as unworthy of my attention or God's love. Forgiven both for judging people and for being a coward about their opinions. Forgiven for my insane ingratitude- something so blown out of proportion that I actually thought that life wasn't a privilege from God, but a curse to be ended.
I am a sinner!
So are they.
People who lied, people who divided, people who backstabbed and betrayed. People who refuse to change, people who want to cause others pain.
Sinners.
They deserve to be punished! They deserve to be hurt, to suffer!
I was hurt. I suffered.
Sometimes I still do. Like right now, going over it all again.
I need to forgive to be forgiven. But it hurts! Like poking at a raw wound.
Forgiveness is messy.
When I was talking to my cousin Daisi about this, she had a thought. And then I had a thought. And our combined thoughts added up to this:
When someone sins against me, they owe me a debt for that hurt. The problem is, some people don't change, and that debt will never be paid off. But God is a debt-taker. He is willing to give me the healing that I need - to pay that debt and then some. The debt doesn't go away without repentance. Instead, God now holds the receipt. A purposely sinful, hurtful person still owes a debt. All that happens to them is that the person they owe just got a lot more intimidating.
What happens to me is that I find healing. Slowly, but it's still there.
Justice will still be served. If the person repents, God will forgive the debt. But if the person doesn't admit they messed up, doesn't want to change anything, then God can deal with them. It's not my problem.
The hard part of forgiving is handing over the receipt, letting the other person not owe you. But honestly, it's a lead receipt. I know. It's really, really, reeeaaaalllllyyy heavy. I have a right to carry it. But i also have the privilege not to.
God's strong enough to carry it for me.
So I forgive them. Again.
~Dolly
I have a lot of sins. Like defeatism. And apathy. Maybe a little self-righteousness. Sometimes I'm judgemental. Sometimes I don't stand up for truth. Oh, and sometimes I'm really, really ungrateful.
But those don't even compare to what other people have done to me and to the people I love.
Churches that hurt my family deeply. People who completely betrayed my trust and threw it in my face. Even that girl in middle school who tried to push me around. And the kid at my old youth group who made fun of me.
People who've betrayed me, lied to me, hurt me.
Sometimes I catch myself hoping that they'll suffer too.
Except. . .
I was forgiven. I was forgiven for giving in to my circumstances. I've been forgiven for letting things be when I really needed to grow. I was forgiven for lying to myself that I'm better than anybody else, and for thinking of other people as unworthy of my attention or God's love. Forgiven both for judging people and for being a coward about their opinions. Forgiven for my insane ingratitude- something so blown out of proportion that I actually thought that life wasn't a privilege from God, but a curse to be ended.
I am a sinner!
So are they.
People who lied, people who divided, people who backstabbed and betrayed. People who refuse to change, people who want to cause others pain.
Sinners.
They deserve to be punished! They deserve to be hurt, to suffer!
I was hurt. I suffered.
Sometimes I still do. Like right now, going over it all again.
I need to forgive to be forgiven. But it hurts! Like poking at a raw wound.
Forgiveness is messy.
When I was talking to my cousin Daisi about this, she had a thought. And then I had a thought. And our combined thoughts added up to this:
When someone sins against me, they owe me a debt for that hurt. The problem is, some people don't change, and that debt will never be paid off. But God is a debt-taker. He is willing to give me the healing that I need - to pay that debt and then some. The debt doesn't go away without repentance. Instead, God now holds the receipt. A purposely sinful, hurtful person still owes a debt. All that happens to them is that the person they owe just got a lot more intimidating.
What happens to me is that I find healing. Slowly, but it's still there.
Justice will still be served. If the person repents, God will forgive the debt. But if the person doesn't admit they messed up, doesn't want to change anything, then God can deal with them. It's not my problem.
The hard part of forgiving is handing over the receipt, letting the other person not owe you. But honestly, it's a lead receipt. I know. It's really, really, reeeaaaalllllyyy heavy. I have a right to carry it. But i also have the privilege not to.
God's strong enough to carry it for me.
So I forgive them. Again.
~Dolly
Our Daily Bread
"Give us, today, the bread we need."
This is literally a prayer for our needs to be met. That's it. Simple, right?
So, I see the word "bread" and think of practical, everyday needs.
But Jesus said that people can't live on just bread by itself: we live on the very Words coming out of God's mouth. 'Needs' here also means the things we need to hear God say.
We are forgiven. That's what He says, so it must be true. And apparently forgiveness is something we need, because it's put in the same sentence here. Actually, asking for daily bread is kind of a 'Part 1 of 2' thing- it's paired with ". . . And forgive our sins, as we forgive the people who've sinned toward us."
So, why is forgiveness so important? What's the big deal? Why do we need it so much?
I was actually talking to my cousin Daisi last night, and the whole forgiveness thing was brought up. What does it mean when God says He forgives us?
She brought up the idea of God taking on someone's debt, and something clicked for me.
There is no way I can undo my mistakes, or fix the hurt I've caused other people, or pay for my sin. There is no possible way for me to pay that debt. The only thing I could do would be to die. Then, at least I wouldn't be causing more problems. It's the only way to pay what I owe.
But, just like any debt, all that matters is that it gets paid. The person paying the debt doesn't have to be the same person who owes it, all that matters is that the debt is paid.
So God took my debt, and He paid it. He died. The debt had been paid, I no longer owe.
And that's forgiveness.
That's why it's important, that's why it's one of the most basic needs of the human race, that's why it's my daily bread.
Every day, it's true. I am forgiven. You are forgiven. Period.
We can live in freedom- there's no more death threat having over our heads! And even when we mess up again, because of course we will, we can go to God and He can say, "I already paid for that." Because He did.
It's awesome.
~Dolly
This is literally a prayer for our needs to be met. That's it. Simple, right?
So, I see the word "bread" and think of practical, everyday needs.
But Jesus said that people can't live on just bread by itself: we live on the very Words coming out of God's mouth. 'Needs' here also means the things we need to hear God say.
We are forgiven. That's what He says, so it must be true. And apparently forgiveness is something we need, because it's put in the same sentence here. Actually, asking for daily bread is kind of a 'Part 1 of 2' thing- it's paired with ". . . And forgive our sins, as we forgive the people who've sinned toward us."
So, why is forgiveness so important? What's the big deal? Why do we need it so much?
I was actually talking to my cousin Daisi last night, and the whole forgiveness thing was brought up. What does it mean when God says He forgives us?
She brought up the idea of God taking on someone's debt, and something clicked for me.
There is no way I can undo my mistakes, or fix the hurt I've caused other people, or pay for my sin. There is no possible way for me to pay that debt. The only thing I could do would be to die. Then, at least I wouldn't be causing more problems. It's the only way to pay what I owe.
But, just like any debt, all that matters is that it gets paid. The person paying the debt doesn't have to be the same person who owes it, all that matters is that the debt is paid.
So God took my debt, and He paid it. He died. The debt had been paid, I no longer owe.
And that's forgiveness.
That's why it's important, that's why it's one of the most basic needs of the human race, that's why it's my daily bread.
Every day, it's true. I am forgiven. You are forgiven. Period.
We can live in freedom- there's no more death threat having over our heads! And even when we mess up again, because of course we will, we can go to God and He can say, "I already paid for that." Because He did.
It's awesome.
~Dolly
Your Will be Done
". . . Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth like it is in Heaven."
This is where things start to get confusing. I mean, God's Kingdom is never explained completely in the Bible. And how am I supposed to know what His will is?
I'm not a theologian- at least, not formally trained or anything. But even I can see that this is surrender.
I think praying for God's Kingdom to come is kinda like praying for His big-picture plan. You know, where He comes to rule over the nations and where everyone admits that He's God. I tend to get in a rut really easily, expecting each day to be the same, letting the world go by. But God's got big stuff planned. Huge! Trumpets,-lights-earthquakes-bodies-rising kind of huge! Things aren't just fine the way they are. Change is coming! And I should be praying for it, looking forward to whatever God's got planned, instead of sitting around letting things be.
The other part of God Kingdom, though, is already happening. We as a church represent the current Earth sector of it. So, I see praying for the church to be ready, to be getting her warrior game on, as also praying for God's Kingdom to come. (I.e. Be present here, Be active here.) There are plenty of hopeless, hurting people just looking for some good news. And, like the apostle Paul said, how can they hear if no one goes and tells them about it? That's why the church needs to be constantly energized and empowered by God's Spirit. We're in a battle, fighting for what was stolen from our King forever ago in the Garden of Eden. We need help.
And then there's the matter of God's will. What does He want? Sometimes I have such a hard time with this! But there are some things that are always true, and always God's will, just because they're part of who He is! I often start there, and as I'm praying, if God wants me to pray something specific, He'll tell me. Sometimes really bold things have come out of my mouth and kinda shocked me, because I used to be pretty timid with God. But they always came true, which served to grow my faith a little bigger, help me be a little bolder, and proved God's power to myself and others.
Back to my earlier point, these things are always true:
God wants relationship with people. He wants to save them from their miserableness and teach them what love means.
God wants the church to grow. Not just in numbers, God also wants us to grow up, in a way. He wants leaders with integrity, workers with dependability, and people of faithful passion to work together in unity, with Him in charge.
God wants us to learn, individually. We're all on a journey, cliche as that is, and we need to go to Him for help finding our way. Whatever you know you're getting lax on in your relationship with God, talk to Him about it. I know I tend to have trouble making time or investing energy to actually participate in devotions. I tend to just read a chapter in my Bible, maybe read in a devotional book a bit, and call it good. I don't always try to actually understand what's going on. That's honestly why I'm doing this Lord's Prayer thing: to recalibrate, start a habit of intentionally hanging out with God and listening to, not just talking at, Him.
Often as I pray about the things I am certain of, God will add to them. As I'm praying for people to accept Him as the Great God that He is, names will come to mind out of the blue. Or I'll suddenly realize the true importance of a community issue, and pray for the church's effective involvement. Or I'll have a random epiphany that the Lord's Prayer would be perfect for a week-long personal study! 😁
Obviously, not everyone is wired the way I am! But I would suggest that if you're having trouble deciphering God's will on something, start with what You know. Once your heart is open and surrendered, it's a LOT easier to hear what He's saying.
I hope this makes sense! May we all be able to come to God with surrendered confidence.
~Dolly
This is where things start to get confusing. I mean, God's Kingdom is never explained completely in the Bible. And how am I supposed to know what His will is?
I'm not a theologian- at least, not formally trained or anything. But even I can see that this is surrender.
I think praying for God's Kingdom to come is kinda like praying for His big-picture plan. You know, where He comes to rule over the nations and where everyone admits that He's God. I tend to get in a rut really easily, expecting each day to be the same, letting the world go by. But God's got big stuff planned. Huge! Trumpets,-lights-earthquakes-bodies-rising kind of huge! Things aren't just fine the way they are. Change is coming! And I should be praying for it, looking forward to whatever God's got planned, instead of sitting around letting things be.
The other part of God Kingdom, though, is already happening. We as a church represent the current Earth sector of it. So, I see praying for the church to be ready, to be getting her warrior game on, as also praying for God's Kingdom to come. (I.e. Be present here, Be active here.) There are plenty of hopeless, hurting people just looking for some good news. And, like the apostle Paul said, how can they hear if no one goes and tells them about it? That's why the church needs to be constantly energized and empowered by God's Spirit. We're in a battle, fighting for what was stolen from our King forever ago in the Garden of Eden. We need help.
And then there's the matter of God's will. What does He want? Sometimes I have such a hard time with this! But there are some things that are always true, and always God's will, just because they're part of who He is! I often start there, and as I'm praying, if God wants me to pray something specific, He'll tell me. Sometimes really bold things have come out of my mouth and kinda shocked me, because I used to be pretty timid with God. But they always came true, which served to grow my faith a little bigger, help me be a little bolder, and proved God's power to myself and others.
Back to my earlier point, these things are always true:
God wants relationship with people. He wants to save them from their miserableness and teach them what love means.
God wants the church to grow. Not just in numbers, God also wants us to grow up, in a way. He wants leaders with integrity, workers with dependability, and people of faithful passion to work together in unity, with Him in charge.
God wants us to learn, individually. We're all on a journey, cliche as that is, and we need to go to Him for help finding our way. Whatever you know you're getting lax on in your relationship with God, talk to Him about it. I know I tend to have trouble making time or investing energy to actually participate in devotions. I tend to just read a chapter in my Bible, maybe read in a devotional book a bit, and call it good. I don't always try to actually understand what's going on. That's honestly why I'm doing this Lord's Prayer thing: to recalibrate, start a habit of intentionally hanging out with God and listening to, not just talking at, Him.
Often as I pray about the things I am certain of, God will add to them. As I'm praying for people to accept Him as the Great God that He is, names will come to mind out of the blue. Or I'll suddenly realize the true importance of a community issue, and pray for the church's effective involvement. Or I'll have a random epiphany that the Lord's Prayer would be perfect for a week-long personal study! 😁
Obviously, not everyone is wired the way I am! But I would suggest that if you're having trouble deciphering God's will on something, start with what You know. Once your heart is open and surrendered, it's a LOT easier to hear what He's saying.
I hope this makes sense! May we all be able to come to God with surrendered confidence.
~Dolly
Our Father...
"Our Father, Who is in Heaven, holy is Your Name."
The beginning of this prayer is about acknowledging what is true.
First of all, God is Father. Daddy. Papa. He is mine.
We have this crazy close bond because, for some reason, He adopted me! With my faults and insecurities and mistakes and fears, He has accepted me; body, soul and spirit. I am wholly, entirely, completely loved. No matter what I do or say.
I was a sinner.
I am a child.
The next phrase is about where home is: it's where my Daddy is, and where I long to be.
Sometimes I just get such an intense empti-full-ness, because honestly, life stinks. It's miserable and draining and utterly discouraging sometimes. I feel like a wanderer here, and I just want to go home! To curl up in my Daddy's arms and cry out all the hurt and sorrow I collected on this broken little rock, and when I'm all done, He will wipe away my tears and say, "You did well, little one. Come into my joy, and just rest."
In apparent contrast with this image of our Daddy, is the reminder that He is holy.
Although He has accepted us as children, He is still perfect. He's completely beyond. Outside. Separate.
Beyond anything we can imagine or will ever experience here. Outside any boundaries that we little humans try to set. Separate from the sin that pervades the atmosphere here on Earth. In summary, God is more. More big. More powerful. More glorious. More brilliant. More everything. Holy.
So, today I run to my Daddy's arms. And I talk, like a little kid, about how big He is; and I recognize the ridiculous privilege I have by being His.
He is great. I am small.
Despite the contrast, we fit.
I am His.
And that's where everything starts. This small set of phrases is the great perspective-shifter.
Without this, I can super easily get everything all out of whack. I can forget my rights as a child, and come cowering, begging for forgiveness. Or I can forget that God actually has power to make sure His will is done here like it is in Heaven. Or I can take everything for granted, forgetting that if mercy wasn't a thing, God's holiness would demand that sin be entirely wiped out, and I would be obliterated since I am (was?) a sinner.
There's a reason Jesus started His prayer this way. It's because these truths are the beginning of everything. They're like glasses lenses: without them things kinda start to lose focus.
"Our Father, Who is in Heaven, holy is Your Name."
"Thank You that I can come to You like a little kid; thank You that You are my Daddy. I can't wait to see You completely someday, all wrapped up in glory in the big Heaven You live in. I can't even imagine what I'll see there- what You'll be like. I mean, You're completely beyond my little sphere of experience. You're perfect! I don't always get why You love me, but I'm thankful that it's true, and that nothing can ever change this fact. I love You too."
~Dolly
The beginning of this prayer is about acknowledging what is true.
First of all, God is Father. Daddy. Papa. He is mine.
We have this crazy close bond because, for some reason, He adopted me! With my faults and insecurities and mistakes and fears, He has accepted me; body, soul and spirit. I am wholly, entirely, completely loved. No matter what I do or say.
I was a sinner.
I am a child.
The next phrase is about where home is: it's where my Daddy is, and where I long to be.
Sometimes I just get such an intense empti-full-ness, because honestly, life stinks. It's miserable and draining and utterly discouraging sometimes. I feel like a wanderer here, and I just want to go home! To curl up in my Daddy's arms and cry out all the hurt and sorrow I collected on this broken little rock, and when I'm all done, He will wipe away my tears and say, "You did well, little one. Come into my joy, and just rest."
In apparent contrast with this image of our Daddy, is the reminder that He is holy.
Although He has accepted us as children, He is still perfect. He's completely beyond. Outside. Separate.
Beyond anything we can imagine or will ever experience here. Outside any boundaries that we little humans try to set. Separate from the sin that pervades the atmosphere here on Earth. In summary, God is more. More big. More powerful. More glorious. More brilliant. More everything. Holy.
So, today I run to my Daddy's arms. And I talk, like a little kid, about how big He is; and I recognize the ridiculous privilege I have by being His.
He is great. I am small.
Despite the contrast, we fit.
I am His.
And that's where everything starts. This small set of phrases is the great perspective-shifter.
Without this, I can super easily get everything all out of whack. I can forget my rights as a child, and come cowering, begging for forgiveness. Or I can forget that God actually has power to make sure His will is done here like it is in Heaven. Or I can take everything for granted, forgetting that if mercy wasn't a thing, God's holiness would demand that sin be entirely wiped out, and I would be obliterated since I am (was?) a sinner.
There's a reason Jesus started His prayer this way. It's because these truths are the beginning of everything. They're like glasses lenses: without them things kinda start to lose focus.
"Our Father, Who is in Heaven, holy is Your Name."
"Thank You that I can come to You like a little kid; thank You that You are my Daddy. I can't wait to see You completely someday, all wrapped up in glory in the big Heaven You live in. I can't even imagine what I'll see there- what You'll be like. I mean, You're completely beyond my little sphere of experience. You're perfect! I don't always get why You love me, but I'm thankful that it's true, and that nothing can ever change this fact. I love You too."
~Dolly
Challenged!
Last night I was at a Bible study, and we talked about the importance of 'The Lord's Prayer'. I was reminded of when I was younger, and I used to use it as a very direct guide for my praying. I would recite the prayer line by line, and after each line I would add my own take on it, kind of. For instance, when saying, "give us today our daily bread," I would continue by telling God about my needs. Or, when asking God to "forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin toward us," I would bring up my own sins, and the ways that other people had hurt me.
Last night while at the Bible study, or maybe soon afterwards, I had another thought. You know, the Lord's Prayer is broken up into seven pieces. More or less. And I just had a thought, that maybe I could sort of recalibrate my prayer life, by taking a day to focus on each of the seven points. Sort of like a week-long devotional. That I write as I go along.
In conjunction with the idea, as I thought about it more, I started thinking about how I honestly don't post on this blog very much. I have trouble disciplining myself, especially in things that run more on inspiration rather than calculated thinking. So, why not document my thoughts as I go through the Lord's Prayer, and just upload them, one piece or two at a time? So that's what I'm going to be doing. If you want, you can check back each day to see where I'm at, or you can come back at the end of the week and read through all of the posts in order. When I'm done, I will post them in chronological order on the sidebar.
However this thing goes down, I appreciate you guys taking this journey with me! Thanks for supporting me even though I don't post on here that much.
With love to you all,
~Dolly.
Last night while at the Bible study, or maybe soon afterwards, I had another thought. You know, the Lord's Prayer is broken up into seven pieces. More or less. And I just had a thought, that maybe I could sort of recalibrate my prayer life, by taking a day to focus on each of the seven points. Sort of like a week-long devotional. That I write as I go along.
In conjunction with the idea, as I thought about it more, I started thinking about how I honestly don't post on this blog very much. I have trouble disciplining myself, especially in things that run more on inspiration rather than calculated thinking. So, why not document my thoughts as I go through the Lord's Prayer, and just upload them, one piece or two at a time? So that's what I'm going to be doing. If you want, you can check back each day to see where I'm at, or you can come back at the end of the week and read through all of the posts in order. When I'm done, I will post them in chronological order on the sidebar.
However this thing goes down, I appreciate you guys taking this journey with me! Thanks for supporting me even though I don't post on here that much.
With love to you all,
~Dolly.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)